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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v.401

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v. 401
Some people choose high paying jobs, but some others work for their passions and find it satisfying. It is also argued that high salary is more significant than contentment at our job hunting. In my opinion, I definitely admitted with this statement that earning a high wage can be extremely inspired by one’s individual benefit. Firstly, we, as human beings, are all looking for a convenient and blissful life. As the living cost in especially metropolitan cities increased dramatically years by years, employees will be needed to work longer hours to get paid for their bills, mortgage and credit cards. A high income scale would also help them to stay with a delighted lifestyle in average. This is because an improved income brings joy with an exquisite lifestyle and affordable with their desires. Moreover, they can manage to purchase a spacious house and take care of their family staying in a comfortable condition. On the contrary, low revenue can easily lead to mental health like depression and social well-being. For instance, in a recent survey shows that 1/4 of employees in America are diagnosed with mental health due to their financial situation distress. Another significant factor of high revenue can easily motivate people to go back to work and excellent performance in efficiency. It’s because staffs at high-paid enterprise would be motivated to prioritize their job in their life with efficacy and tenacity. Meanwhile, it will lead to the mutual benefits either personal or company success, which is bonded with their relationship in a great process. For example, a recent report presents that a firm in Japan has grown dramatically in high scale throughout their sales after embark with an increased basic salary. To sum up, a great revenue is more important compared to choose their interests. And employees can improve their personal lifestyle and company will be earning more at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others work for their passions and find it satisfying. It is
also
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary is more significant than contentment at our job hunting. In my opinion, I definitely admitted with this statement that earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage can be
extremely
inspired by one’s individual benefit.

Firstly
, we, as human beings, are all looking for a convenient and blissful life. As the living cost in
especially
metropolitan cities increased
dramatically
years by years, employees will
be needed
to work longer hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for their bills, mortgage and credit cards. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income scale would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay with a delighted lifestyle in average. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
income brings joy with an exquisite lifestyle and affordable with their desires.
Moreover
, they can manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a spacious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and take care of their family staying in a comfortable condition.
On the contrary
, low revenue can
easily
lead to mental health like depression and social well-being.
For instance
, in a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 1/4 of employees in America
are diagnosed
with mental health due to their financial situation distress.

Another significant factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
revenue can
easily
motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go back to work and excellent performance in efficiency. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
staffs at high-paid enterprise would
be motivated
to prioritize their job in their life with efficacy and tenacity. Meanwhile, it will lead to the mutual benefits either personal or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
success, which
is bonded
with their relationship in a great process.
For example
, a recent report presents that a firm in Japan has grown
dramatically
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
scale throughout their sales after embark with an increased basic salary.

To sum up, a great revenue is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
compared to choose their interests. And employees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personal lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will be earning more at the same time.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v. 401

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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