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do we have to learn non academic subjects?

do we have to learn non academic subjects? V0b0m
Concerning this issue, there are many people believing that they don’t need to study non academic subjects in school. In the meantime, I almost believe that we need to study non academic subjects too. I will explore my ideas and thoughts through this essay. I agree with the idea of learning non academic subjects. Truthfully, it could be right to say that don’t need to study non academic subjects in school because some students want to focus on only their study not non academic subjects and they study a lot so doesn’t want to waste time in it. However, I tend to think that we need to study non academic subjects. The primary reason we have to take into consideration is that we can have several experiences and we can learn new things that we never experienced. To be specific, there are some students who doesn’t have interest in study academic subjects but they have interest in music, art, or sports. These may decide the future with them. In addition, my second reason is that if schools does educate these subjects, our country of art cultures or music cultures will be develop. Third, these days, students study a lot and study again after school even if they don’t want to but they have to so they will get a lot of stress. Exercise, drawing, and listening music may be helpful for them and it will make them mental clear. For these reasons, I believe that learning non academic subjects in school is necessary. So I think students need to learn these subjects
Concerning this issue, there are
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many
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people
believing that they don’t
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need
to
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study
non
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academic
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subjects
in
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school
. In the meantime, I almost believe that we
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need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
non
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
too. I will explore my
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ideas
and thoughts through this essay.

I
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agree
with the
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idea
of learning non
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Truthfully
, it could be right to say that don’t
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need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
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school
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because
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some
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students
want to focus on
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only
their
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study
not non
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academic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subjects and
they
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study
a lot
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so
doesn’t want to waste time in it.
However
, I tend to
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think
that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
non
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. The primary reason we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take into consideration is that we can have several
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experiences and
we can learn new things that we never experienced. To be specific, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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students
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
doesn
’t have interest in
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study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
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subjects
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but
they have interest in music, art, or sports. These may decide the future with them.
In addition
, my second reason is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
does educate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, our country of art cultures or music cultures will be
Consider using the past participle "developed"?
develop
. Third, these days,
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a lot and
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study
again after
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school
even if they don’t want to
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but
they
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have to
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so
they will
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get
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a lot of
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stress
. Exercise, drawing, and listening music may be helpful for them and it will
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make
them mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

For these reasons, I believe that learning non
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academic
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subjects
in
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school
is necessary.
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So
I
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think
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to learn these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
subjects
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IELTS essay do we have to learn non academic subjects?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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