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do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

These days, it seems that the vast majority of individuals consider penetrating of foreign language at primary school is better that doing this at secondary school. Although there are some valid arguments to the contrary, in this paper I will portray all factors apparently which is supportive for new languages learning. First of all, I believe new languages give a lot of crucial perspectives to children since future these languages will help them at every rough issue. Although there have certain fact that, extra languages make childrens' mentality sharp and salubrious which are so significant for themselves and their life. If parents become willingly for aiding their children at this issue then children are able to boost speedily. Secondly, I would contend that the some people report that adopting new language is waste of the time but despite the fact that some crucial and renowed sources notify that at that time children become more diligent and they used to know new languages easily. So, for innovation and evolving new language is vital obviously. In summary, factors give indiviuals that new languages give children new and appropriate improvement for their future and it stands to reason parents are ought to inspire their children all the time
These days, it seems that the vast majority of individuals consider penetrating of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at primary school is better that doing this at secondary school. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments to the contrary, in this paper I will portray all factors
apparently
which is supportive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
learning.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crucial perspectives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since future these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them at every rough issue. Although there have certain fact that, extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
' mentality sharp and salubrious which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant for themselves and their life. If parents become
willingly
for aiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at this issue then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to boost
speedily
.

Secondly
, I would contend that the
Did you mean “same”?
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
report that adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is waste of the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial and
Possible spelling mistake found.
renowed
sources notify that at that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diligent and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for innovation and evolving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is vital
obviously
.

In summary, factors give
Possible spelling mistake found.
indiviuals
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and appropriate improvement for their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
it stands to reason parents are ought to inspire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
all the time

IELTS essay do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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