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Do the advantages of techlonogy outweigh its disadvantages?

Do the advantages of techlonogy outweigh its disadvantages? aA9Ed
The widespread presence of technology nowadays bring many benefits to our daily life. Technology have it own pros and cons. From my point of view, it have more advantages than disadvantages. In every kind of fields, technology is used. With the technological devolopments, our life become easier, it helps us do everything easily. Firstly, technogy is applied a lot in education. Today, we are face up with the COVID- 19 pandemics, it is essential for social distancing. And all students mostly spend their time at home joining online course. So that many applications was invented to meet the demands of people to studying more convinient. Secondly, technology is a imformative and entertainment tool. Many electronic devices were produced to meet the requirement of entertaining. People can use a smartphone to listen to music, play videos games, surt Facebook, … Moreover, technology can be use as means of communication. We can easily keep in touch with people by using Facebook Messgener to make a video chat, texting. In addition, it will save our time. You don’t have to work over time when you have your individuals email to share work. It also allow us to do multiple task at the same time. On the other hand, technology have several bad effects. First of all, in the near fufure, robot very likely will used more in all over the world. For example, we may have a car driven by robots. It will gradually replace the role of humans. Second, when depent to much on technology, the creavity of people will be reduce. People can not come up with any new idea, plans. Last but not least, people waste much time on using electronic devices that they do not concerntrate on their work or their study. In conclusion, these are the advantages and disadvantages of technology. We should be aware of it to promote the good and limit the drawbacks of it.
The widespread presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
nowadays bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to our daily life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
have it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. From my point of view, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
more advantages than disadvantages.

In every kind of fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. With the technological
Possible spelling mistake found.
devolopments
, our life become easier, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us do everything
easily
.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
technogy
is applied
a lot in education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are face up with the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID
- 19 pandemics, it is essential for social distancing. And all students
mostly
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home joining online course.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications
was invented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to studying more
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinient
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
imformative
and entertainment tool.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
electronic devices
were produced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirement of entertaining.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a smartphone to listen to music, play videos games,
Possible spelling mistake found.
surt
Facebook, …
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as means of communication. We can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by using Facebook
Possible spelling mistake found.
Messgener
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video chat, texting.
In addition
, it will save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. You don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when you have your individuals email to share work. It
also
Did you mean "allows"?
allow
us to do multiple task at the same time.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the near
Possible spelling mistake found.
fufure
, robot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more in all over the world.
For example
, we may have a car driven by robots. It will
gradually
replace the role of humans. Second, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
depent
Did you mean "too"?
to
much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
creavity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with any new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, plans. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using electronic devices that they do not
Possible spelling mistake found.
concerntrate
on their work or their study.

In conclusion
, these are the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. We should be aware of it to promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and limit the drawbacks of it.
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Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Do the advantages of techlonogy outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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