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disuss about equity and inclusion

disuss about equity and inclusion 9wKkW
Everyone was born, brought up and grow up differently as places, genders, skin colors, and standard of living. We have their featured characteristics. Each of us has the privilege of chosing our own life. Our mind should know how to love, have sympathy with people, and strive up our life so as to improve community and society. That brings an equity and inclusion. Contrastly, people think whether the world is really like that or not. From time immemorial, people have had cruel commerce as our fate trade for slavery that seemed racial discrimination. In current, I sometimes listen to offended voice about color skinny soccers in the match on television, value men above women, sexism, age discrimination, immigrations, so on. Actually, That matters should be considered and condemned. In the past, Women were circumscribed to doing household chores, taking care of children and nourishing them. However, everything is gradually changing, they can go to school to study and contribute to society. They play an important roles at work and become breadwinner in the family. Hence, women have equal rights as men. The disparity between richness and poverty is a major problem that make a lot of people anxious and should come up with some solutions to solve. Some has wealthy life, some has indigent life. For many coutries, although, the goverment makes attempts to narrow this matter. In over the world; however, we walk on the streets in the metropolitan city, we see more and more homeless people. Those are begging for money and food. Indeed, the views makes people unhappy and think a lot. Nevertheless, philanthropist, altruist, charity organizaions and good people donates a lot of money, food, and services for famine and disaster relief. In over the world, People have their perspective, various habitat and the effects on their life; thereby, forming their personality. Indeed, almost children are too adorable and naive to understand equity and inclusion. Hence, Children need to go to school, passionately creative and communicated with their friends. No matter how they don’t look like the same appearance and thought, they impartially treat and get along with everybody. Sum up, people who are still affected on many aspects about habitat or thought that result in perssimistic view about discrimination and unequal treatments. The problems incline people toward changing. Honestly, we trasmit our speech about equity and inclusion to animate people, especially children. I hope that they will be affadable, social, and sympathetic children to understand about an impartial mind. No words should denigrate people because they have different beliefs from ours.
Everyone
was born
, brought up and grow up
differently
as places, genders, skin colors, and standard of living. We have their featured characteristics. Each of us has the privilege of
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosing
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Our mind should know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, have sympathy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and strive up our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
community and society. That brings an equity and inclusion.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
whether the world is
really
like that or not.

From time immemorial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have had cruel commerce as our fate trade for slavery that seemed racial discrimination. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
listen to offended voice about color skinny
Possible spelling mistake found.
soccers
in the match on television, value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
above women, sexism, age discrimination,
Possible spelling mistake found.
immigrations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Actually, That matters should
be considered
and condemned.

In the past, Women
were circumscribed
to doing household chores, taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and nourishing them.
However
, everything is
gradually
changing, they can go to school to study and contribute to society. They play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "role"?
roles
at work and become breadwinner in the family.
Hence
, women have equal rights as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

The disparity between richness and poverty is a major problem that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
anxious and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to solve.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
has wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
has indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
coutries
, although, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
attempts to narrow this matter. In over the world;
however
, we walk on the streets in the metropolitan city, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more and more homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Those are begging for money and food.
Indeed
, the views
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unhappy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a lot.
Nevertheless
, philanthropist, altruist, charity
Possible spelling mistake found.
organizaions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
donates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, food, and services for famine and disaster relief.

In over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have their perspective, various habitat and the effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
; thereby, forming their personality.
Indeed
, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too adorable and naive to understand equity and inclusion.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to go to school,
passionately
creative and communicated with their friends. No matter how they don’t look like the same appearance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, they
impartially
treat and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with everybody.

Sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects about habitat or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that result in
Possible spelling mistake found.
perssimistic
view about discrimination and unequal treatments. The problems incline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
toward changing.
Honestly
, we
Possible spelling mistake found.
trasmit
our speech about equity and inclusion to animate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I hope that they will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
affadable
, social, and sympathetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand about an impartial mind. No words should denigrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
beliefs from ours.
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IELTS essay disuss about equity and inclusion

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
426 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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