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It is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students. BbQX
Some people say that it is a good tendency for teens to have jobs while studying. From my point of view, people are right. Thereby, I agree, that this is a great way for youth to prepare for their future life. It can be proved by the BBC latest research and my own experience. Firstly, the last research made by BBC magazine in February 2021 says that persons, who used to work till student life, are more responsible and prepared for living. For example, teenagers learn to earn money, to spend it in a right way. Above all, they gain experience about time-management and adults’ responsibilities. That is why work is an essential part of personal growth. Finally, my life is a great example for this statement. I started to make money when I was 18 years old. My way began at McDonald’s and it was a great place to get the first steps as an adult. For instance, it took me a lot of skills, such as socialization skill, time-management ability and understanding that cash is not that easy to earn as I thought in the childhood. Due to it, I am able to be independent now and live my life as I want. Therefore, working experience is so important. To sum up, an idea of working for youth is great. I believe that each student must try to work and help parents with payments or even start the independent living. In my humble opinion, it should be done as early as it is possible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tendency for teens to have jobs while studying. From my point of view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are right. Thereby, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way for youth to prepare for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It can
be proved
by the BBC latest research and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience.

Firstly
, the last research made by BBC magazine in February 2021 says that persons, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work till student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, are more responsible and prepared for living.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
learn to earn money, to spend it
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
.
Above all
, they gain experience about time-management and adults’ responsibilities.
That is
why work is an essential part of personal growth.

Finally
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
example for this statement. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money when I was 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. My way began at McDonald’s and it was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
first
steps as an adult.
For instance
, it took me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as socialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, time-management ability and understanding that cash is not that easy to earn as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in the childhood. Due to it, I am able to be independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as I want.
Therefore
, working experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To sum up, an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of working for youth is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
. I believe that each student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
parents with payments or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the independent living. In my humble opinion, it should
be done
as early as it is possible.
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IELTS essay It is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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