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Discussion_some believe advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, others think they are common that they no longer pay attention to it

Discussion_some believe advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, others think they are common that they no longer pay attention to it LLNJp
The overall quality of our choices as well as how we can opt the commodities consciously can depend on many elements, including the type and brand of products we purchase. Now the question is whether this action can be attributed to advertising or it is not effective. In the following paragraphs I will discuss the main reasons of both views. First, the sheer advantages that advertising can bring about should never be easily ignored. that is, informing people about the plausible products to buy. Due to being amusement, advertisement stimulating is the main factor of buying the products. The commercials, as an example, advertise several times in the middle of any movies, so people unconsciously are exposed to this, and in some cases they are related to their daily needs, such as kitchen appliances, and become tempted to acquire it out of peer pressure. On the other hand, some would argue despite having possible benefits, advertisement publishing is not appealing to them. In fact, they aimed at manipulating people. Because the goods with low quality is usually advertised. These people believe the good products are renowned, and they normally strive to satisfy their customers by some methods, such as increasing the quality of customer services and commodities or even by decreasing the price which be affordable for people. Furthermore, given being time consuming, advertisement lossing their attraction from people. The advertisements are usually about something which are harmful for our health, namely junk food, or new computer games for youngsters, so people avoid of being exposed to this atmosphere. In conclusion, I think the first view makes more sense. Apart from all the reasoning mentioned above, because of having sedentary lifestyle, people are more in the influence of advertisements. They surf on the internet or watch television, advertisements puts people at threat of expose, due to being ubiquitous. So, people's options are mainly affected by these approaches.
The
overall
quality of our choices
as well
as how we can opt the commodities
consciously
can depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elements, including the type and brand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the question is whether this action can
be attributed
to advertising or it is not effective. In the following paragraphs I will discuss the main reasons of both views.

First
, the sheer advantages that advertising can bring about should never be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is, informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the plausible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. Due to being amusement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
stimulating is the main factor of buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The commercials, as an example, advertise several times in the middle of any movies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unconsciously
are exposed
to this, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases they
are related
to their daily needs, such as kitchen appliances, and become tempted to acquire it out of peer pressure.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue despite having possible benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
publishing is not appealing to them. In fact, they aimed at manipulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with low quality is
usually
advertised. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are renowned
, and they
normally
strive to satisfy their customers by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods, such as increasing the quality of customer services and commodities or even by decreasing the price which be affordable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
Possible spelling mistake found.
lossing
their attraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
usually
about something which are harmful for our health,
namely
junk food, or new computer games for youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid of
being exposed
to this atmosphere.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
first
view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more sense. Apart from all the reasoning mentioned above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having sedentary lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more in the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. They surf on the internet or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at threat of expose, due to being ubiquitous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's options are
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these approaches.
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IELTS essay Discussion_some believe advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, others think they are common that they no longer pay attention to it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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