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discussion both views and give your opinion

discussion both views and give your opinion 8qAm
There are some companies that want their employees to dress more formal, on the contrary some of them think that the quality of work is more important than the way they dress. In my opinion, people should wear whatever they want, if it is suitable, while they were working. On the other hand, some companies' sectors are more formal such as banking. Hence, they think that their employees should dress appropriately. However, if their employees do not see any customer, they should not dress smartly. For example, if an employee works in the company's headquarter, she should wear more casual, but if she works in bank branch, she should wear more formal than the one that works in the headquarter, because she has to give confidence to the customers. On the other hand, some companies do not care what their employees wear, because they think that employees should focus more on their work not on their appearances. Also, these companies want to make their employees happy. According to the research on 2002, if the organization give their employees freedom about anything like what to wear, flexible working hours, the employee can be more creative and more productive. As a result of that, the company makes more profit, the employee is happy, so it is a win-win situation. In conclusion, there are some sectors like banking that want their employees to dress smartly, but some organizations think that the work is the main thing not their dress. Companies should focus on employee satisfaction not on the way they dress.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
more formal,
on the contrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
, if it is suitable, while they were working.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' sectors are more formal such as banking.
Hence
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
appropriately
.
However
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any customer, they should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
smartly
.
For example
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
works in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
The word 'headquarter' is a verb. The noun to describe a corporate head office ends with an 's'.
headquarter
, she should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
more casual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if she works in bank branch, she should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
more formal than the one that works in the
The word 'headquarter' is a verb. The noun to describe a corporate head office ends with an 's'.
headquarter
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give confidence to the customers.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not care what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should focus more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not on their appearances.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
happy. According to the research on 2002, if the organization give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
freedom about anything like what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
, flexible working hours, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can be more creative and more productive.
As a result
of that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more profit, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a win-win situation.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors like banking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
smartly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the main thing not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
satisfaction not on the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
.
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IELTS essay discussion both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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