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Discuss which is your favourite room and why?

Discuss which is your favourite room and why? ew9np
For me, my favourite room is my bedroom, where I grew up. My bedroom walls are painted blue and have an attached washroom. There is a TV on the front wall of my bed. The reasons I prefer my bedroom the most are that First and foremost reason is that It's the room where I spend most of the time. There are lots of moments attached to this room. I remember a day when I was in 5th standard; that day was my birthday, no one in my family wished me, so I thought that they had forgotten about my day, but when I returned from school, they organised a surprise party in my room. That's the most memorable day for me. Furthermore, I have complete control over my bedroom and can do whatever I want, which means that I can arrange and put up the things just as I want. Moreover, I have decorated my room walls with lovely paintings and family pictures.
For me, my
favourite
room
is my
bedroom
, where I grew up. My
bedroom
walls
are painted
blue and have an attached washroom. There is a TV on the front wall of my bed. The reasons I prefer my
bedroom
the most are
that


First
and foremost reason is that It's the
room
where I spend most of the time. There are lots of moments attached to this
room
. I remember a day when I was in 5th standard; that day was my birthday, no one in my family wished me,
so
I
thought
that they had forgotten about my day,
but
when I returned from school, they
organised
a surprise party in my
room
. That's the most memorable day for me.

Furthermore
, I have complete control over my
bedroom
and can do whatever I want, which means that I can arrange and put up the things
just
as I want.
Moreover
, I have decorated my
room
walls with lovely paintings and family pictures.
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IELTS essay Discuss which is your favourite room and why?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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