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Discuss the advantages of arts on people and the society.

Discuss the advantages of arts on people and the society. k51nR
Some people claim that science is the sole key to the growth of society while others think that arts are pivotal factors to well-developed and prosperous nations. From my point of view, arts are indubitably vital to the development of the world. This essay will explain my idea by presenting arts' benefits to individuals and society. Arts encourage children to be active and creative. For instance, when kids draw, they will be more innovative by mixing colors and sketch whatever they want. Also, children can be free to express themselves through artworks, which means arts allow kids to have the freedom to show their feelings and emotions in a creative way. Museums, which are forms of art, provide children with great opportunities to invent questions for the objects displayed there to gain insights into the world around them, both in the past and the present. As kids receive the responses, they will acquire new knowledge and deep understandings about the world. Furthermore, arts supply children with the ability to deal with uncertainty and remain flexible thinkers, which will help them be active and adaptable individuals in the future. Many studies have shown that arts keep people relaxed and free from their worries and sadness. People may find difficulties expressing their hardships and concerns verbally; however, when they create artworks, they can invent some proses, pictures, or songs which convey their feelings. The more they expose to arts, the less depressed they feel because the negative emotions they used to suffer are released during their meditative-like status while doing art projects. Music has a substantial role in encouraging working people to be productive and efficient. Besides, universal music tastes connect people from all over the world, therefore help eliminate the discord caused by differences among individuals. In conclusion, arts have positive impacts on every individual's development irrespective of their ages, gender, and nationalities. Above all, arts connect people which will result in a peaceful world shared by all nations and ethnicities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that science is the sole key to the growth of society while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are pivotal factors to well-developed and prosperous nations. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
indubitably
vital to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by presenting arts' benefits to individuals and society.

Arts encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be active and creative.
For instance
, when kids draw, they will be more innovative by mixing colors and sketch whatever they want.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be free to express themselves through artworks, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
kids to have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their feelings and emotions
Consider replacing "in a creative way" with the adverb for "creative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a creative way
. Museums, which are forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with great opportunities to invent questions for the objects displayed there to gain insights into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around them, both in the past and the present. As kids receive the responses, they will acquire new knowledge and deep understandings about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the ability to deal with uncertainty and remain flexible thinkers, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be active and adaptable individuals in the future.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relaxed and free from their worries and sadness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may find difficulties expressing their hardships and concerns
verbally
;
however
, when they create artworks, they can invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
proses
, pictures, or songs which convey their feelings. The more they expose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the less depressed they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to suffer
are released
during their meditative-like status while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
projects. Music has a substantial role in encouraging working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be productive and efficient.
Besides
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
universal music
tastes connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
eliminate the discord caused by differences among individuals.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on every individual's development irrespective of their ages, gender, and nationalities.
Above all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which will result in a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
shared by all nations and ethnicities.
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IELTS essay Discuss the advantages of arts on people and the society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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