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Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for countries where governments spend a lot of money on museums and landmarks.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for countries where governments spend a lot of money on museums and landmarks. LLdWr
Nowadays, there are a lot of money invests in museums and landmarks by government. In this essay I will discuss about the advantages and disadvantages of this. At first, it is very good for people who loves to spend time in different exhibitions. They have opportunity to visit museums by many topics and periods of time. Secondly, this fact can attract tourists from other cities or even countries, so it improves travel business in the city. I think, people would like to get to know the history and culture of the place, which they visit. With hindsight, I understand that it important. When I was 7 years old and lived in small city with 60 thousand population, we travelled with my parents in Moscow. I remember how we walked in Red Square and visited different landmarks. It was very exciting. Moreover, sights make city more beautiful. On the other hand, there are many spheres, which need in investing. For instance, medicine is very important aspect in people’s live and it looks strange when government ignore problem with hospitals condition and spends money to open new museum. In addition, it creates problems for little business, because landmarks usually are in the center of the city and takes a big territory, that can be used for café or market and as a result, you should spend much time to find and walk to those places. In conclusion, I think, landmarks is a very important aspect, but government should remember about other spheres of city’s live when they create finance plan.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money invests in museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
landmarks
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In this essay I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantages and disadvantages of this.

At
first
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "love"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
loves
to spend time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
exhibitions. They have opportunity to visit museums by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
topics and periods of time.

Secondly
, this fact can attract tourists from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or even countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
travel business in the city. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the history and culture of the place, which they visit.

With hindsight, I understand that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. When I was 7 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city with 60 thousand population, we travelled with my parents in Moscow. I remember how we walked in Red Square and visited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
landmarks
. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exciting.
Moreover
, sights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
city more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
spheres, which need in investing.
For instance
, medicine is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and it looks strange when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
problem with hospitals condition and spends money to open new museum.

In addition
, it creates problems for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
landmarks
usually
are in the center of the city and takes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
territory, that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for café or market and
as a result
, you should spend much time to find and walk to those places.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
landmarks
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should remember about other spheres of city’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
when they create finance plan.
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IELTS essay Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for countries where governments spend a lot of money on museums and landmarks.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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