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Discuss advantages and disadvantages of watching TV during childhood

Discuss advantages and disadvantages of watching TV during childhood OVRmy
Nowadays most of children spend a lot of time watching television and television cannot replace the book as a learning tool and on the other hand children are less well educated. In this essay I will exlain further and give my opinions. On the one hand most of children watching tv in their free time but they prefer watching tv all of time. Firstly nowadays children are less educated for several reasons and got less homework by teachers. Furthermore television cannot replace the book as a learning topic, tool and etc. Mostly children think that watching tv most comfortable for learning and relaxing than books .I completely disagree this idea because always tv programs cannot replace books and watching tv has more disadvantages for children healthy and waste a great deal of necessary time. Consequently they are lost crystalline lens and undeveloped their world outlook. For example a lot of famous journals published interesting points about watching tv and they compare world outlook in different children which is prefer watching tv and reading book always second children percentages higher than other children. On the other hand watching television help for learning something but not every time. Some children believe that television important for their life or study .For example these days most of tv programs about study or interesting games is one of the most important programs in their free time. However I strongly disagree that watching tv is more unseccesful way for children and I wholeheartedly believe that this trend should be changed. As an example research shows that children well educated at school but children completely not used from successful way. To sum up I strongly disagree to prefer watching tv than learning by children.It is true that television cannot replace books.
Nowadays most of
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children
spend
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a lot of
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time
watching
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television
and
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television
cannot
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replace
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tool and
on the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
. In this essay I will
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exlain
further
and give my opinions.

On the one hand most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
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watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
in their free
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time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they prefer watching
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tv
all of
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time
.
Firstly
nowadays
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children
are less educated for several reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
less homework by teachers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
replace
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
topic, tool
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Mostly
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
most comfortable for
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learning
and
Use "(relaxing)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
relaxing
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Add a space between sentences
I
completely disagree this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
always
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
programs cannot
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replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
has more disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
healthy and waste a great deal of necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
they
are lost
crystalline lens and undeveloped their world outlook.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
journals published
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
interesting points about watching
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tv and
they compare world outlook in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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children
which is
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
watching
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tv
and reading
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book
always second
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children
percentages higher than other children.

On the other hand
watching
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television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
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learning
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not every
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time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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children
believe that
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television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their life or study
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Add a space between sentences
For
example these days
Consider using "most tv" or "most of the tv".
most of tv
programs about study or interesting games is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
programs in their free
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time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
strongly
disagree that watching
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tv
is more
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unseccesful
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and I
wholeheartedly
believe that this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. As an example research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
completely not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from successful way.

To sum up I
strongly
disagree to prefer
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watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
by children.
Add a space between sentences
It
is true that
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television
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
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IELTS essay Discuss advantages and disadvantages of watching TV during childhood

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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