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Discursive essay on exported products 2015-2016

Discursive essay on exported products 2015-2016 b2G23
The graphic below indicates the worth of five types of products which are been exported by a country comparing the data of 2015 and 2016. In this essay, I will try to interpret those percentages according to my knowledge. First, all of them have raised but the exportation level of gems and jewellery. It could be a consequence of a lack of raw materials which are expensive and hard to find. In addition, while the levels of petroleum, engineered and agricultural products increase slightly, the exportation percentage of textile goods grows to 15. 24% in 2016. Textile is a sector under the effect of climate changes and weather conditions. For example, one of its main raw materials which is called cotton is being raised with suitable irrigation. If there are more rainy days than predicted, it would harm the cotton fields. Furthermore, it will affect the quality of the harvested product. Subsequently, petroleum and engineered goods are the most exported ones in both of the years. It can be assumed that these two products are the main sources of livelihood in this country. Petroleum is a valuable natural source that enforces a country against the others. For instance, Russia and the USA have this power. Moreover, engineer goods can be the result of having a high education level of engineering, like the USA again. In conclusion, this country makes money on its well-educated population and natural sources. Against this, the textile and agricultural sectors have less effect on profits, because of the minority of unqualified blue-collar worker level.
The graphic below indicates the worth of five types of products which
are been
exported by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
comparing the data of 2015 and 2016. In this essay, I will try to interpret those percentages according to my knowledge.

First
, all of them have raised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the exportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
. It could be a consequence of a lack of raw materials which are expensive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find.
In addition
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of petroleum, engineered and agricultural products increase
slightly
, the exportation percentage of textile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
grows to 15. 24% in 2016. Textile is a sector under the effect of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and weather conditions.
For example
, one of its main raw materials which
is called
cotton is
being raised
with suitable irrigation. If there are more rainy days than predicted, it would harm the cotton fields.
Furthermore
, it will affect the quality of the harvested product.

Subsequently
, petroleum and engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are the most exported ones in both of the years. It can
be assumed
that these two products are the main sources of livelihood in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Petroleum is a valuable natural source that enforces a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
against the others.
For instance
, Russia and the USA have this power.
Moreover
, engineer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can be the result of having a high education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of engineering, like the USA again.

In conclusion
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
money on its well-educated population and natural sources. Against this, the textile and agricultural sectors have less effect on profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the minority of unqualified blue-collar worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
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IELTS essay Discursive essay on exported products 2015-2016

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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