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Disadvantages of using computer

Disadvantages of using computer YwEEn
Using mobile phones has several drawbacks. First of all, using mobile phones are usually expensive because of the fact that they encourage people to spend more and more money on buying mobile cards. This has led to the consumer culture and addiction to shopping that we now see in our society. Secondly, a mobile phone is likely to make people difficult to focus on their work. In fact, many students text ech other during their lessons so they can't concentrate on their lessons and their studies become worse and worse. Finally, many people tend to be overly dependent on their mobile phones. They can't go to work without a mobile phones and spend a lot of time playing games in this equipment. Many studentsin high school consider mobile phones as the only way to communicate with friends, whereas they can talk face to face. As a result, using mobile phones makes people lose many traditional cutures and their lives become more and more unflexible.
Using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has several drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
usually
expensive
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend more and more money on buying mobile cards. This has led to the consumer culture and addiction to shopping that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in our society.
Secondly
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
difficult to focus on their work. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students text
Possible spelling mistake found.
ech
other during their lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can't concentrate on their lessons and their studies become worse and worse.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be
overly
dependent on their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. They can't go to work without a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time playing games in this equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
studentsin
high school consider mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to communicate with friends, whereas they can talk face to face.
As a result
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional
Possible spelling mistake found.
cutures
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
become more and more unflexible.
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IELTS essay Disadvantages of using computer

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
164 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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