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Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organizations say that in global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views?

In this technical era, directors of large firms often receive much higher salary than ordinary workers. Employer's organization assert that in an international market, this is the best way to attract the best management. However, I believe that the board of directors receive more salary than ordinary workers because of their management skill and education. To embark with, there are a plethora of reasons that's why higher ranked officers of multinational companies gained huge salaries. First and foremost, is that they are well experienced and know all the measures, such as information regarding the income tax and other legal ways that my help in the growth of organization. For example, in the latest survey conducted by, ' Industrial growth and the development organisation', it was found that, in India after 2007, the growth of multinational firms increased rapidly due to the maximum number of international firms hire high skilled and talented directors for the development of Companies. Secondly, directors of the International Organizations are well educated and they know all the methods which help the company to gain higher rank and they also, know the foreign language which help to attract the foreign organisations to trade with the company as compared to employees of the firm. For example, in newspaper it was written that director of organisation are well educated and know all the efficient way which attract the buyers and help the company to make profit. In conclusion, I personally believe that head of a large companies receive Higher money as compared to worker because they are well educated and have a management skill which help in the development of firms.
In this technical era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directors
of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive much higher salary than ordinary workers. Employer's organization assert that in an international market, this is the best way to attract the best management.
However
, I believe that the board of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directors
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "receives"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'receive' is not always incorrect.)
receive
more salary than ordinary workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and education. To embark with, there are a plethora of reasons that's why higher ranked officers of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
gained huge salaries.
First
and foremost, is that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
experienced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
all the measures, such as information regarding the income tax and other legal ways that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the growth of organization.
For example
, in the latest survey conducted by,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
Industrial growth and the development
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
', it
was found
that, in India after 2007, the growth of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
increased
rapidly
due to the maximum number of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
hire high skilled and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directors
for the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directors
of the International Organizations are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
all the methods which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to gain higher
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rank and
they
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the foreign language which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to attract the foreign
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
to trade with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as compared to employees of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
.
For example
, in newspaper it
was written
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
director
of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
all the efficient way which attract the buyers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit.
In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that head of a large
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "company"?
companies
receive Higher money as compared to worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and have a management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
.
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IELTS essay Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organizations say that in global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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