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Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v.2

Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v. 2
Recently, the board between the countries is gradually curtailed, thereby allowing exchanging products, culture, fashion styles and so on. While becoming a global village has some drawbacks, I would argue that it has some benefits. On the one hand, the downsides are inevitable when the phenomenon of globalization appears. For one, this trend will significantly weaken the traditions. For example, the increase in the number of Korean films strongly leading to Vietnamese fashion, and sometimes youngsters excessively splash out to follow their idol styles which might not be suitable with their financial status. As a result, the beauty of national culture is currently at stake. On the other hand, regardless of these aforementioned disadvantages, its perks cannot be denied. One benefit is that people will no longer doubt the other nations by means of sharing the same habits, products and services. Therefore, all the countries will take advantage of tightening the bond and reinforcing the relationship. Another advantage is that this can help to enhance modernity and give them the opportunity to keep abreast to well-known brands and advertisement. For example, Nike or Coca Cola subsequently reinforce the ubiquity in most of the nations in the globe and so those nations were actually considered as a part of the international community and their citizens are able to access to international goods. In conclusion, while I partly with the disastrous repercussion of cultural globalization, I absolutely believe that its benefits will be outweighed by its detrimental results and it can be seen by the progress within a society.
Recently, the board between the countries is
gradually
curtailed, thereby allowing exchanging products, culture, fashion styles and
so
on. While becoming a global village has
some
drawbacks, I would argue that it has
some
benefits.

On the one hand, the downsides are inevitable when the phenomenon of globalization appears. For one, this trend will
significantly
weaken the traditions.
For example
, the increase in the number of Korean films
strongly
leading to Vietnamese fashion, and
sometimes
youngsters
excessively
splash out to follow their idol styles which might not be suitable with their financial status.
As a result
, the beauty of national culture is
currently
at stake.

On the other hand
, regardless of these aforementioned disadvantages, its perks cannot
be denied
. One benefit is that
people
will no longer doubt the other nations by means of sharing the same habits, products and services.
Therefore
, all the countries will take advantage of tightening the bond and reinforcing the relationship. Another advantage is that this can
help
to enhance modernity and give them the opportunity to
keep
abreast to well-known brands and advertisement.
For example
, Nike or Coca Cola
subsequently
reinforce the ubiquity in most of the nations in the globe and
so
those nations were actually considered as a part of the international community and their citizens are able to access to international
goods
.

In conclusion
, while I partly with the disastrous repercussion of cultural globalization, I
absolutely
believe that its benefits will
be outweighed
by its detrimental results and it can be
seen
by the progress within a society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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