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Developments in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give v.1

Developments in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. 1
Nowadays, the number of people shopping online is getting more and more. This will eventually lead to closing down of all shops in towns and cities. I totally agree with this trend and I am one of those people who are making more purchases through the web. Firstly, this is because of the huge traffic and the number of vehicles on the road. Most of the families nowadays have more than one car. Imagine the increase in the number of cars on the roads compared to old times! To add more fuel, the parking slots are always full. So even if we somehow escape the traffic and reach our destination, we still have to spend almost half the time travelled, finding a place to park the car. For example, last Thursday 5th of March, I was rushing to the hypermarket, but got stuck in a long stagnant traffic and spent double the usual time, to reach the destination. And I spent another 15 minutes to find a parking. Secondly, this is due to the online offers provided by vendors. To increase in the cost of living, most families are looking for cheaper alternatives for their day to day essentials. These days we can see many online stores, but most of them don't have a retail store outside. This helps them to reduce the overhead cost, which reflects in the price displayed for the products they sell on the web. For instance, if you check the online store "www. Luluwebstore. Com" for regular cooking oil brand "Sunflower", it costs $4 but if you go to an outside shop to buy, it costs $6. To conclude, people shopping online are increasing day by day and will surely lead to all shops near and far closing down. People are getting products at a cheaper price and can avoid getting stuck on the road. Until and unless some measures are taken against online shopping sites, this trend will continue and will result in the shop owners getting jobless.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is getting more and more. This will
eventually
lead to closing down of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in towns and cities. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trend and
I am one of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are making more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
through the web.

Firstly
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge traffic and the number of vehicles on the road. Most of the families nowadays have more than one car. Imagine the increase in the number of cars on the roads compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times! To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more fuel, the parking slots are always full.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
even if we somehow escape the traffic and reach our destination, we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend almost half the time travelled, finding a place to park the car.
For example
, last Thursday 5th of March, I was rushing to the hypermarket,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
stuck in a long stagnant traffic and spent double the usual time, to reach the destination. And I spent another 15 minutes to find a parking.

Secondly
, this is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
offers provided by vendors. To increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of living, most families are looking for cheaper alternatives for their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
essentials. These days we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them don't have a retail store outside. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the overhead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
, which reflects in the price displayed for the products they sell on the web.
For instance
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
store
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
www
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luluwebstore
. Com
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for regular cooking oil brand
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Sunflower
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
$4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you go to an outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
$6.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are increasing day by day and will
surely
lead to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
near and far closing down.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are getting products at a cheaper price and can avoid getting stuck on the road. Until and unless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures
are taken
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping sites, this trend will continue and will result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
owners getting jobless.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Developments in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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