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Developed countries should help developing countries

Developed countries should help developing countries XDxaE
In today's world, there are many countries which are either developing or underdeveloped. They lack essential standards of living in terms of health, education and trade. Due to many social, economic, and other reasons, they cannot achieve this progress on their own. Therefore, I certainly think it is essential to get this assistance from developed nations government. If developed nations take responsibility to help poorer countries, it will balance the entire world's overall progress, and our planet will become a better place to live. Firstly, aids for arranging health campaigns and training camps on advanced medicine for doctors from emerging countries can elevate healthcare levels in such countries. Secondly, education systems in poorer countries can be improved by training students and teachers in developed countries and providing better facilities. Thirdly, developing countries' economy can be created by providing access to their traditional novelties in the free world market. For example, since ages the science in Ayurveda was untapped in Western World now these techniques have come in quite handy in paramedicine. On the other hand, few opine that developed countries are under no obligation to help the developing ones. Yet they conveniently ignore the fact that cooperation among developed countries has helped them reach those milestones. If such a helping hand is extended towards the underdeveloped states, they may allow the developed nations back in the future as we all know life is a circle. In the end the lack of benevolence from countries wont harm them instead would restore lifes who are struggling for necessities. I would like to emphasise that the government of wealthy nations must assist impoverished countries.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are either developing or underdeveloped. They lack essential standards of living in terms of health, education and trade. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social, economic, and other reasons, they cannot achieve this progress on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Therefore
, I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this assistance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
take responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it will balance the entire

world's
overall
progress, and our planet will become a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Firstly
, aids for

arranging health campaigns and training camps on advanced medicine for doctors from

emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can elevate healthcare levels in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Secondly
, education

systems in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by training students and teachers in

developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and providing better facilities.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
'

economy can
be created
by providing access to their traditional novelties in the free world market.
For example
, since ages the science in Ayurveda
was untapped
in Western World
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these techniques have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in quite handy in
Possible spelling mistake found.
paramedicine
.

On the other hand
, few opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are under no obligation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the developing ones.
Yet
they
conveniently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that cooperation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them reach those milestones. If such a helping hand
is extended
towards the underdeveloped states, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
back in the future as we all know life is a circle.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the lack of benevolence from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
harm them
instead
would restore
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
who are struggling for necessities. I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
assist impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Developed countries should help developing countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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