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Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall level of health in many developed countries is now falling. What can be the possible reasons for this? How the situation can be reversed?

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall level of health in many developed countries is now falling. What can be the possible reasons for this? How the situation can be reversed? r1R76
In many industrialised nations, general public health is on decline inspite of huge developments in medical sector. While modern lifestyle is the cause for this issue, joint efforts from government and society can be helpful to improve the situation. There are different factors behind the fall in general health of public in developed countries. The primary one is the longer working competition is occurring between the individuals, this lead to some physical ailments long term. Moreover, the sedentary lifestyle which people adopt, causes negative consequence related to their health state and because of the fast pace of life, people often show tendency to readymade food over homemade. Furthermore, due to people's modern lifestyle, they prefer to drive instead of walking, also they enjoy watching television rather than doing physical activities, even children avoid to go outside to play and remain sitting in front of e games. Consequently, obesity like concerns are becoming too common for the people of western world to overcome. To bring the improvements in public health, government can and should do couple of major efforts. The former one is that government should alter the work culture as authorities should enforce laws to restrict the maximum hours. As a consequence, individuals can worth use this time to preserve their hobbies and also manage time for family that not only effect their mental but also physical health. At social level, local authorities organise cultural events and sports competitions as well rewards work as a push for local public and participants both to continue these activities throughout the course of year and these activities throughout can lead to improve the health of individuals. Although there are different reasons of overall health issues in most of developed nations in medical sector but, with the help of change in work culture and by arranging some events, government can mitigate this issue.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
nations, general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is on decline
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of huge developments in medical sector. While modern lifestyle is the cause for this issue, joint efforts from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and society can be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors behind the fall
in general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. The primary one is the longer working competition is occurring between the individuals, this lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical ailments long term.
Moreover
, the sedentary lifestyle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adopt, causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
state and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
tendency to
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
food over homemade.
Furthermore
, due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's modern lifestyle, they prefer to drive
instead
of walking,
also
they enjoy watching television
rather
than doing physical activities, even children
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid going".
avoid to go
outside to play and remain sitting in front of e games.
Consequently
, obesity like concerns are becoming too common for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of western world to overcome. To bring the improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can and should do
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
major efforts. The former one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should alter the work culture as authorities should enforce laws to restrict the maximum hours. As a consequence, individuals can worth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this time to preserve their hobbies and
also
manage time for family that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
their mental
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. At social level, local authorities
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and sports competitions
as well
rewards work as a push for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and participants both to continue these activities throughout the course of year and these activities throughout can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of individuals. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons of
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in most of developed nations in medical sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in work culture and by arranging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can mitigate this issue.
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IELTS essay Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall level of health in many developed countries is now falling. What can be the possible reasons for this? How the situation can be reversed?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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