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Despite advances in medicine, mental ill health is becoming more common amongst young people. What do you think are the causes of this problem and measures can be taken to solve it?

Despite advances in medicine, mental ill health is becoming more common amongst young people. What do you think are the causes of this problem and measures can be taken to solve it? wa5Xl
Despite the fact that medicine has improved significantly over decades, mental health disorders id adolescents appear more and more often. In this essay, I will discuss the variety of possible reasons and offer some solutions. Parental behavior such as overprotectiveness, which are serve in order to strengthen parenting strategies, are likely to influence the maintenance and of mental disorders. Overprotective parenting can reduce the child's ability to respond to new situations and especially challenging ones. Moreover, parents who always criticize and downplay a child's feelings are undermine their emotional stability and the appearance of a depression or anxiety can be increased. Secondly, studying at school can be a challenging time for many students. Besides overcoming academic pressures, some students have to deal with stressful situations such as bullying or misunderstandings between their classmates. As a result of, children can feel unsafe in the school entertainment and it influence their emotional instability. A potential solution to the problem of mental ill generation is through communication. Both parents and children should normalize talking and listening about their feelings. Teenagers sometimes want a simple understanding and hug from their parents. As a result of talking, parents can help a children make some necessary changes if their negative feelings prevent them from going forward. Another possible solution is creating a more safe environment in schools. The school administration can provide educational psychologists. Thus, if students have problems with their studies, they will have the opportunity to share their experiences with a professional and receive due attention. Moreover, this therapy can be much more effective than talking with other people, because the psychologist can provide professional help through his talk therapies. In conclusion, although the mental instability among young people is of great concern, there are some beneficial ways that can be tackled.
Despite the fact that medicine has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
over decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health disorders id adolescents appear more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. In this essay, I will discuss the variety of possible reasons and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

Parental behavior such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
overprotectiveness
, which are serve in order to strengthen parenting strategies, are likely to influence the maintenance and of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
disorders. Overprotective parenting can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the child's ability to respond to new situations and
especially
challenging ones.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who always criticize and downplay a child's feelings are
Consider using a past participle here: "undermined".
undermine
their emotional stability and the appearance of a depression or anxiety can
be increased
.

Secondly
, studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be a challenging time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students.
Besides
overcoming academic pressures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with stressful situations such as bullying or misunderstandings between their classmates.
As a result
of, children can feel unsafe in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
entertainment and it
Did you mean "influences"?
influence
their emotional instability.

A potential solution to the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
ill generation is through communication. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children should normalize talking and listening about their feelings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
want a simple understanding and hug from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
of talking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a child" or simply "children"?
a children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
if their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from going forward. Another possible solution is creating a more safe environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration can provide educational psychologists.
Thus
, if students have problems with their studies, they will have the opportunity to share their experiences with a professional and receive due attention.
Moreover
, this therapy can be much more effective than talking with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the psychologist can provide professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
through his talk therapies.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
instability among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
of great concern, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial ways that can
be tackled
.
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IELTS essay Despite advances in medicine, mental ill health is becoming more common amongst young people. What do you think are the causes of this problem and measures can be taken to solve it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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