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Descripe a famous person that you admire

Descripe a famous person that you admire d9aW7
Today I would like to describe a person who does very well at work, and that is no other than Ha Anh Tuan, a very famous singer in Vietnam. Of all the celebrities, Ha Anh Tuan has always been beacon of light not just for his fame but also for his great passion for the work that he has committed to. The first time I got to know him 10 years ago when I came across his albums on Internet. And then, I instantly got hooked on his voice upon hearing it. Besides his angelic voice, he is also known for his dedication to his work. Well you know, I always look up to any well-known public figures who were able to devote all aspects their lives to their line of work. Ha Anh Tuan struck at people’s heartcore by delivering down-to-earth music that inspired thousands of audiences regard- less of ages, genders or social status, he was also known for his tireless charity work. He was such a busy-bee that sometimes she did not care about himself. During the covid pandemic, he gave 25 tons of rice and other food to Ho Chi Minh city. That is a small thing but have a big mean. If I ever had a chance, I would take him to my hometown and introduce all famous place of there. Of course I would take pictures with him too, to post on my facebook wall but the most important thing would be for me to talk with him, learn from him and be inspired by this man.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
a person who does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
that is
no other than Ha
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Anh
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Tuan
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in Vietnam. Of all the celebrities, Ha
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Anh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tuan
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has
always been beacon of light not
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just
for his fame
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but
also
for his great passion for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
has
committed to. The
first
time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know him 10 years ago when I came across his albums on Internet. And then, I
instantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hooked on his voice upon hearing it.
Besides
his angelic voice, he is
also
known for his dedication to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Well you know, I always look up to any well-known public figures who were able to devote all aspects their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to their line of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tuan
struck at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
heartcore
by delivering down-to-earth music that inspired thousands of audiences regard- less of ages, genders or social status, he was
also
known for his tireless charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. He was such a busy-bee that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
she did not care about himself. During the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
pandemic, he gave 25 tons of rice and other food to
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
.
That is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
mean. If I ever had a chance, I would take him to my hometown and introduce all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
place of there. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, I".
course I
would take pictures with him too, to post on my
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
wall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing would be for me to talk with him, learn from him and
be inspired
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
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IELTS essay Descripe a famous person that you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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