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Describe the risks discussed in the lecture and explain how they relate to the purpose of the reading passage.

Describe the risks discussed in the lecture and explain how they relate to the purpose of the reading passage. OlAm7
The integration of social media in our daily routine has been normalised. It has generated conflicting opinions about its effects in society. According to the lecture, there exist a plethora of risks linked with the development of social media. For instance, fostering the youth to connect with their peers through a screen only increases the risk of bullying or being manipulated. However, relying on social media can also help understood people to find new connections that fit better with them. For both sources of information, it is undeniable that social media enhances a disability to build bonds. In America, people are starting to relate only in their family as they do not know they “friends” as much as to share personal and intimate issues. Furthermore, more than 25 percent in 2004 had no close confidants, favouring the emergence of a community with no meaningful relationships. Social media can be detrimental for our humans needs of socialising but it is also a remarkable way for people to speak up their opinions and get a considerable amount of followers to listen. Even though it is an arduous task, we would have to find a balance if we want to experience the advantages of this new and far-reaching technology.
The integration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in our daily routine has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'normalised' is British English.
normalised
. It has generated conflicting opinions about its effects in society.

According to the lecture, there exist a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
linked with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For instance
, fostering the youth to connect with their peers through a screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of bullying or
being manipulated
.
However
, relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
understood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to find new connections that fit better with them.

For both sources of information, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
enhances a disability to build bonds. In America,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are starting to relate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their family as they do not know they “friends” as much as to share personal and intimate issues.
Furthermore
, more than 25 percent in 2004 had no close confidants,
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the emergence of a community with no meaningful relationships.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be detrimental for our humans needs of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
a remarkable way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to speak up their opinions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a considerable amount of followers to listen.
Even though
it is an arduous task, we would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a balance if we want to experience the advantages of this new and far-reaching technology.
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IELTS essay Describe the risks discussed in the lecture and explain how they relate to the purpose of the reading passage.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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