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Describe Iphone 13 which you are given.

Describe Iphone 13 which you are given. 0wmBO
First and foremost, Iphone 13 is so portable and beautiful. Because it is lightweight, I can bring it everywhere if I want. Its design also made an impression on me a lot with the silver cover and an excellent OLED screen which is suitable for watching movies or playing the video game. In addition, the quality of camera and battery life are improved dramatically. I can take a great photo of my family or beautiful landscape.
First
and foremost,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
13 is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
portable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is lightweight, I can bring it everywhere if I want. Its design
also
made an impression on me a lot with the silver cover and an excellent OLED screen which is suitable for watching movies or playing the video game.
In addition
, the quality of camera and battery life are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
dramatically
. I can take a great photo of my family or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
landscape.
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IELTS essay Describe Iphone 13 which you are given.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
76 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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