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Describe Family are important do you aggree or dsaggreee

Describe Family are important do you aggree or dsaggreee aErAP
Nowadays, in many families, both parents are employed and working in corporate sectors or public sectors. I intend on delve into the benefits and drawbacks of this Situation in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, working parents are common these days because in world now have equal opportunities for both of them. first and foremost, parents who are earning salaries are financially strong and stable as well. they can provide quality lifestyles and adequate education to their children. furthermore, children become more independent when they live without the help of their parents four examples a study shows that children who grown up without supervision of their parents who are busy in their working life, those children are good manager in there profession because of that. On the other side, it has some drawbacks when mother and father are employed. firstly, it affects their personal life owing to this they do not have much time to spend with each other. also they get tired from their life routine sometime they feel stress and depressed. however in some cases their children also adapt some bad habits because parents are not able to take care of their children. for instance, a newspaper published that most of the children who are not grown up with their parents are habitual to do bad things which can destroy their lives. In conclusion, it become popular in society that both parents are spending more time towords their work. also it has seen that it has some advantages and disadvantages because it make parents more financially strong, although they do not have much time to spend
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are employed
and working in corporate sectors or public sectors. I intend on delve into the benefits and drawbacks of this Situation in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are common these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have equal opportunities for both of them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are earning salaries are
financially
strong and stable
as well
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can provide quality lifestyles and adequate education to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more independent when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
four examples a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grown up without supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are busy in their working life, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manager in
Did you mean "their"?
there
profession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that.

On the other side, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks when mother and father
are employed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, it affects their personal life owing to this they do not have much time to spend with each other.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired from their life routine sometime they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depressed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
adapt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, a newspaper published that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not grown up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are habitual to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
popular in society that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are spending more time
Possible spelling mistake found.
towords
their work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more
financially
strong, although they do not have much time to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
spend
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IELTS essay Describe Family are important do you aggree or dsaggreee

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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