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Describe an important time in your life and how it has affected you. Include details and examples to support your response. v.1

Describe an important time in your life and how it has affected you. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 1
To a certain extend a salary of an individual defines his economic stability, rise in the salaries of individuals will directly lead to the growth of the economy. However, it has been a controversial topic and many people are in agreement that the government should put a limit on the remuneration earned by an individual. In my essay I will discuss both the views before I draw a conclusion. To start with, the higher remuneration among people can cause disparities among the individuals. We have seen among the corporate, a number of people on the higher role are being paid extravagant remunerations as compared to the mid and senior level employees. However, I do agree to a certain extent that, looking at their role they do deserve a higher perk, but this huge difference can also lead to de-motivating the lower levels. In addition, there are also professionals which do not deserve a higher remuneration. For example, the actors and actresses get a huge amount of salary, which in my view is not very deserving. Whereas, the people in the army, nurses, doctors deserve to be paid more due to the services offered by them to the community. On the other hand, if the government caps a limit on the remuneration of the people. This would lead on reducing the zeal of people wanting to excel in their professions. If the remuneration is limited people, will not work as hard to reach towards their goals. This could also de-motivate a number of deserving people, who deserve higher perks for their achievements and hard work. In addition, if the salary is limited, it is also difficult to differentiate the roles between people, as all could possibly work at a similar remuneration. In conclusion, if the government puts a cap on the remuneration of an individual he would help in reducing the disparities among people, however this would also de-motivate people who deserve to be paid higher. In my view, the government should try and balance the salary among various professionals and should ensure that a few sets of people should not be paid higher salaries.
To a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
defines his economic stability, rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will
directly
lead to the growth of the economy.
However
, it has been a controversial topic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in agreement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put a limit on the remuneration earned by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. In my essay I will discuss both the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I draw a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the higher remuneration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause disparities among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among the corporate, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the higher role are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
extravagant remunerations as compared to the mid and senior level employees.
However
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to a certain extent that, looking at their role they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
a higher perk,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this huge difference can
also
lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivating
the lower levels.
In addition
, there are
also
professionals which do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
a higher remuneration.
For example
, the actors and actresses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, which in my view is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
deserving. Whereas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the army, nurses, doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more due to the services offered by them to the community.

On the other hand
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
caps a limit on the remuneration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This would lead on reducing the zeal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanting to excel in their professions. If the remuneration
is limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, will not work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach towards their goals. This could
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivate
a number of deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
higher perks for their achievements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is limited
, it is
also
difficult to differentiate the roles between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as all could
possibly
work at a similar remuneration.

In conclusion
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
puts a cap on the remuneration of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the disparities among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
this would
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
balance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
among various professionals and should ensure that a few sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an important time in your life and how it has affected you. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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