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Describe a time when your family member help for something

Here I would like to talk about a time when my sister came to me for help to convince your parents three years ago my sister my my parents wanted to wanted my sister to get married soon and because my maternal aunt brought a influential and wonderful proposal for her marriage proposal for her but she didn't get ready that time and she had a different future plans after sometime she had go for tour with my parents and without any hesitation she told everything to my parents but my parents were really disappointed that time and my and they don't like ok it did not like her decision after that my sister was crying in front of them and but my mother uh mother's heart was sinking and she said that he will she they will think about it finally they will they had no they said no for the proposal and now and I also felt very happy because now my sister in settling abroad and get a gotta better job and thriving in her life.
Here I would like to talk about a time when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
came to me for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to convince your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
three years ago my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
Possible typo: you repeated a word
my my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wanted to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “want”.
wanted
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my maternal aunt brought
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
influential and wonderful proposal for her marriage proposal for her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready that
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
she had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
future plans after
It seems that “sometimes” fits better in this context. Please check.
sometime
she had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: “gone”.
go
for tour with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and without any hesitation she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
everything to my
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were
really
disappointed that time and
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
my and
they don't like ok it did not like her decision after that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
was crying in front of them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my mother uh mother's heart was
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sinking and
she said that he will she they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it
finally
they
It appears that a comma is missing.
will
they had no they said no for the proposal and
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
now and
I
also
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
in settling abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a gotta better job and thriving in her life.
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IELTS essay Describe a time when your family member help for something

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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