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Describe a time when your family member help for something

Here I would like to talk about a time when my sister came to me for help to convince our parents three years ago after my sister's graduation my parents wanted my sister to get married soon. After that my sister came to me and said that she did not get ready for it because she had a future various Future Plans and also said that convince your parents to say no that proposal but I advised her that you should go and told everything to Our Parents it was also a difficult task for us because my parents were extremely excited. But without any hesitation wheat old every thing to my parents but she didn't not happy with her decision and she they they were really disappointed but my sister crying that time and my mum the heart was sinking and she said that we will think about it after that finally my parents said no that marriage proposal I felt really happy to help my sister and now she is in abroad and thriving in her life
Here I would like to talk about a time when my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
came to me for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to convince our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
three years ago after my sister's graduation my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wanted my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. After that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
came to me and said that she did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had a future various Future Plans and
also
said that convince your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to say no that proposal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I advised her that you should go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
everything to Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
it was
also
a difficult task for us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were
extremely
excited.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
without any hesitation wheat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
every thing to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she
You used a negation after a negated contracted verb. Did you mean simply “didn’t”?
didn't not
happy with her decision and she
Possible typo: you repeated a word
they they
were
really
disappointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
crying that time and my mum the heart was
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sinking and
she said that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it after that
finally
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
said no that marriage proposal I felt
really
happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sister and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she is in abroad and thriving in her
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
life
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IELTS essay Describe a time when your family member help for something

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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