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Describe a time when you told your friend an important truth?

Describe a time when you told your friend an important truth? Nme8b
Because of my work and study, I consider I get numerous friends. Beside that, I have a few close friends. And Phuong Anh is my closest friend, she can be regarded as my soulmate. Moreover, she is by my side a through the peaks and valleys more 10 years. Obviously, in friendship must have a conflict, sometimes I have to fall out with Phuong Anh. But after a short while, we both apologize to each other and make up. In the last year, I mean to forgot her birthday and did’t give her a present and messege. Furthermore, I did’t said a word to her, so I assume she felt so sad and seft-pity. Nonetheless, in the end of her birthday, I want to a last people who congratulate and give my gifts for her, finally. Although, in morning I could knew her felt and maybe she felt so despair about me. Moreover, all of my decision in this day because I want her to understand how important and special she is to me. In addition, I want to prepare her birthday more interest and funny. Obviously, after she know about the truth I think she feel so happy and more understand about me. Thanks to the truth, we are closer than before and she become one of the most people have strongly influence on my life.
Because
of my work and study, I consider I
get
numerous friends. Beside that, I have a few close friends. And
Phuong
Anh is
my closest friend, she can
be regarded
as my soulmate.
Moreover
, she is by my side a through the peaks and valleys more 10 years.
Obviously
, in friendship
must
have a conflict,
sometimes
I
have to
fall out with
Phuong
Anh
.
But
after a short while, we both apologize to each other and
make
up. In the last year, I mean to forgot her birthday and
did’t
give her a present and
messege
.
Furthermore
, I
did’t
said a word to her,
so
I assume she felt
so
sad and
seft-pity
. Nonetheless, in the
end
of her birthday, I want to a last
people
who congratulate and give my gifts for her,
finally
. Although, in morning I could
knew
her felt and maybe she felt
so
despair about me.
Moreover
, all of my decision in this day
because
I want her to understand how
important
and special she is to me.
In addition
, I want to prepare her birthday more interest and
funny
.
Obviously
, after she
know
about the truth I
think
she
feel
so
happy and more understand about me. Thanks to the truth, we are closer than
before and
she become one of the most
people
have
strongly
influence on my life.
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IELTS essay Describe a time when you told your friend an important truth?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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