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Describe a piece of local news that people were interested in. what news it was who was involved where you saw or heard it why people were interested in it

Describe a piece of local news that people were interested in. what news it was who was involved where you saw or heard it why people were interested in it Pr2KJ
I guess these days the majority of people where i live are interested in the latest news and updates on the coronavirus outbreak because this has a significant impact on people's everyday life and plans. So I'm sure that almost everyone was happy to find out that our city started to ease lockdown restrictions and that new guidelines regarding hotel quarantine and self-isolation were introduced. First, I saw this on the news. Then I found an article presenting this news in my news feed on Facebook. It was shared by some friends of mine and by almost 10000 other people. So I guess it's obvious that this piece of news was interesting to many people. Of course, judging by the comments there were people who didn't approve of this plan. But most people did. So the news article provided information on how reopening will work where I live. For example, I was particularly happy to know that businesses where customers and workers are in close contact for long period of time, such as nail shops and hair salons, gyms and movie theatres are going to reopen next week. However, people over 60 are urged to stay at home. And they are provided to refrain from social contacts. But I think it makes sense. I guess the main reason why this piece of news drew everybody's attention is that everybody wanted to get a batter understanding of what was going on where they live in order to be able to plan their future.
I guess these days the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
are interested
in the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and updates on the coronavirus outbreak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this has a significant impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's everyday life and plans.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I'm sure that almost everyone was happy to find out that our city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
lockdown restrictions and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
guidelines regarding hotel quarantine and self-isolation
were introduced
.
First
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. Then I found an article presenting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
feed on Facebook. It
was shared
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends of mine and by almost 10000 other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I guess it's obvious that this piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was interesting to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Of course
, judging by the comments there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who didn't approve of this plan.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
article provided information on how reopening will work where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For example
, I was
particularly
happy to know that businesses where customers and workers are in close contact for long period of time, such as nail shops and hair salons, gyms and movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are going to reopen
next
week.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 60
are urged
to stay at home. And they
are provided
to refrain from social contacts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense.

I guess the main reason why this piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
drew everybody's attention is that everybody wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a batter understanding of what was going on where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in order to be able to plan their future.
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IELTS essay Describe a piece of local news that people were interested in. what news it was who was involved where you saw or heard it why people were interested in it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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