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Describe a personal achievement you are proud of

Describe a personal achievement you are proud of DY5Qo
One achievement that makes me really proud is that i get to work with famous vocal coach. Her name is Nguyen Hoang My Ngoc, who trains and teaches for artists singer like. I was over the moon when I received the invitation to participate in event she created because I nurture the dream of becoming a professional singer and even just working with celebrities. While working with her and everyone I have learned more about music knowledges and how to work in an orderly and professional manner. In conclusion that achievement I will never forget and I am very proud of it has motivated me to try harder and harder to be a passionate person.
One achievement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
really
proud is that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
vocal coach. Her name is Nguyen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoang
My
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngoc
, who trains and teaches for artists singer like. I was over the moon when I received the invitation to participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
she created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I nurture the dream of becoming a professional singer and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
working with celebrities. While working with her and everyone I have learned more about music
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and how to work in an orderly and professional manner.
In conclusion
that achievement I will never
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
forget and
I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud of it has motivated me to try harder and harder to be a passionate person.
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IELTS essay Describe a personal achievement you are proud of

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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