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Describe a person who contributes to the society

Describe a person who contributes to the society pbdeL
I want to talk about Xu Xin, who is a famous tabletennis player. When I was shopping in town, I watched the table tennis competition of the national Games, at that time, I was attracted by his excellent table tennis skill, so I googled his name on the internet, I found he is a very popular athlete in China even around the world. As far as I am concerned, Xu Xin is an extremely ambitious as well as self-confident player. He has a round face with broad shoulders. His hair-as fa as I can remember, always has thick hair and bushy eyebrows. Xu Xin is really stout, due to the fact he always has professional training, or even competing around the world. When I think of Xu Xin, the things which stands out most is his constantly persistence as well as perspiration, He who withstand the bitterest of bitter, could become very successful. He had a great influence on me, and made me want to become an outstanding athlete. If I hadˊt met Xu Xin, I wouldˊt have chosen table tennis as my minor [ˈmaɪnə(r)]. At present, he has become one of the most powerful athletes in the world, which is associated with his hardworking as well as persistence, Xu Xin struggledto get where he is now, he deserves to be famous. Slowly but surely, he climbed the ladder of success and finally reached the top position. Xu Xin was a great model for me since I knew him, I hope I will be as successful as him. Finally, he sets a fine example for all of us.
I want to talk about
Xu
Xin
, who is a
famous
tabletennis
player. When I was shopping in town, I
watched
the table tennis competition of the national Games, at that time, I
was attracted
by his excellent table tennis
skill
,
so
I googled his name on the internet, I found he is a
very
popular athlete in China even around the world.

As far as I
am concerned
,
Xu
Xin
is an
extremely
ambitious
as well
as self-confident player. He has a round face with broad shoulders. His hair-as fa as I can remember, always has thick hair and bushy eyebrows.
Xu
Xin
is
really
stout, due to the fact he always has professional training, or even competing around the world. When I
think
of
Xu
Xin
, the things which stands out most is his
constantly
persistence
as well
as perspiration, He who withstand the bitterest of bitter, could become
very
successful.

He had a great influence on me, and made me want to become an outstanding athlete. If I
hadˊt
met
Xu
Xin
, I
wouldˊt
have chosen table tennis as my minor [
ˈmaɪnə
(r)]. At present, he has become one of the most powerful athletes in the world, which
is associated
with his hardworking
as well
as persistence,
Xu
Xin
struggledto
get
where he is
now
, he deserves to be
famous
.
Slowly
but
surely
, he climbed the ladder of success and
finally
reached the top position.

Xu
Xin
was a great model for me since I knew him, I hope I will be as successful as him.
Finally
, he sets a fine example for all of us.
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IELTS essay Describe a person who contributes to the society

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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