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describe a past experience

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I have a memory I will never forget. It was an accident when I was 16 years old. I went back to my hometown to play and stay at my aunt's house. It was the day of summer, sunny and cool. I went up to the 2nd floor of my relative’s house with my cousin. We enjoyed the view and my sister saw a lot of mangoes on the on a tree in front of the house. When I reached out to pick mangoes, I slipped and fell, a loud noise was heard. I was lying on the floor and felt dizzy. I couldn’t stand up. My relatives and grandparents ran over and panicked, my grandmother cried. Everyone asked if I was okay and took me to the hospital. Fortunately, I was not seriously injured. I had to lie down for 4 day before I could walk. That was the first time I had an accident and I’m haunted to this day. I have a small scar on my forehead. Since that time, I have always been careful when moving.
I have a memory I will never forget. It was an accident when I was 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I went back to my hometown to play and stay at my aunt's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. It was the day of summer, sunny and cool. I went up to the 2nd floor of my relative’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with my cousin. We enjoyed the view and my sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mangoes on the on a tree in front of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. When I reached out to pick mangoes, I slipped and fell, a loud noise
was heard
. I was lying on the floor and felt dizzy. I couldn’t stand up. My relatives and grandparents ran over and panicked, my grandmother cried. Everyone asked if I was okay and took me to the hospital.
Fortunately
, I was not
seriously
injured. I had to lie down for 4 day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I could walk. That was the
first
time I had an accident and I’m haunted to this day. I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scar on my forehead. Since that time, I have always been careful when moving.
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IELTS essay describe a past experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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