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Describe a journey you made where you learned something new

Describe a journey you made where you learned something new 7aLGb
Well, the journey I still remember very vividly is the one I took to Nha Trang, a coastal resort city in southern Vietnam, where my sister lives with her husband. It was probably early February 2014 when I got a call from my brother-in-law that my sister has given birth to a beautiful baby girl. We were expecting the baby a few days later but that was indeed a very good news as this was the first baby in our family and both the mother and child were doing fine as my brother-in-law informed me. I immediately returned home from my university to give this wonderful and happy news to my parents. My parents were quite excited and they planned to visit the newborn and my sister on the following day. It was more than 10 hours’ journey and we started in the early morning next day. We went to the local train station and luckily got three first-class seats on the train. I am very fond of train journey as it gives me the freedom to walk in different compartments of the train, read books pleasantly, enjoy the meal in the train cafeteria, buy books and magazines, use the lavatory if needed and enjoy the scenic beauty of the countryside, unlike the monotonous long bus journey. The journey was a very pleasant one and I finished a book that I took with me. Besides, I read two magazines and a daily newspaper that I bought from the station. I specifically remember the journey because my parents were with me and they also enjoyed being out of home after a long. The longing and waiting to see the new baby also made it a pleasant journey and a memorable one. My mother told me some stories of my childhood that she never shared with me before and my father told about his first experience on a train and that was so funny that we laughed quite loudly!
Well, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
I
still
remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vividly
is the one I took to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trang
, a coastal resort city in southern Vietnam, where my sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with her husband. It was
probably
early February 2014 when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a call from my brother-in-law that my sister has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
baby girl. We were expecting the baby a few days later
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that was
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news as this was the
first
baby in our family and both the mother and child were doing fine as my brother-in-law informed me.

I immediately returned home from my university to give this wonderful and happy news to my parents. My parents were quite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
excited and
they planned to visit the newborn and my sister on the following day. It was more than 10 hours’
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
journey and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in the early morning
next
day.

We went to the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
station and luckily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
three
first
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
seats on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
as it gives me the freedom to walk in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
compartments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
, read books
pleasantly
, enjoy the meal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
cafeteria,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books and magazines,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the lavatory if needed and enjoy the scenic beauty of the countryside, unlike the monotonous long bus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant one and I finished a book that I took with me.
Besides
, I read two magazines and a daily newspaper that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from the station. I
specifically
remember the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my parents were with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
they
also
enjoyed being out of home after a long. The longing and waiting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the new baby
also
made it a pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journey
and a memorable one. My mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stories of my childhood that she never shared with me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about his
first
experience on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
and that was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
that we laughed quite
loudly
!
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IELTS essay Describe a journey you made where you learned something new

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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