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Describe a gift you would like give to someone, include specific reasons or details in your explanation. v.1

Describe a gift you would like give to someone, include specific reasons or details in your explanation. v. 1
In this Neoteric era, a plethora of people assures that international company’s workplace and factory ought to be mitigated to enhance of domestic one. On the other hand, others bolster that this methodology does not impact the ambiance substantially. Moreover, this essay will depict my disapprobation regarding the former idea. First of all, job vacancies will be sporadic. There is ample evidence to suggest that the number of workers outweigh the number of domestic companies. Furthermore, It is undeniable that nowadays, finding a feasible occupation is quite adverse. Thus, by giving a chance to oversea companies to aggrandize, it will be beneficial for societies. It provides the labourers to have a decent job and high income concomitantly. Thus, it is clear that terminating the non-local businesses will anguish the worker. Secondly, this regulation is a double-edged sword. In other words, the diversity of marketing proficiency will be mitigated. There is ample evidence to suggest that a considerable number of domestic companies joint venture with foreign one. It is prevalent that these locals harness the techniques of the non-local organisation. Henceforth, by incrementing the newcomers to establish a workplace in the local market, it will jeopardize the skills of local labourers, because they cannot interact with foreign people that have distinct mindset. To recapitulate, while numerous of people espouse that non-domestic firms should be diminished to nourish the local one. However, there are some key factors that cannot be neglected if the union inhibit the establishment of oversea corporations such as shortage in the job vacancy.
In this Neoteric era, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assures that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
workplace and factory ought to
be mitigated
to enhance of domestic one.
On the other hand
, others bolster that this methodology does not impact the ambiance
substantially
.
Moreover
, this essay will depict my disapprobation regarding the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, job vacancies will be sporadic. There is ample evidence to suggest that the number of workers outweigh the number of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Furthermore
, It is undeniable that nowadays, finding a feasible occupation is quite adverse.
Thus
, by giving a chance to oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to aggrandize, it will be beneficial for societies. It provides the
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
to have a decent job and high income
concomitantly
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that terminating the non-local businesses will anguish the worker.

Secondly
, this regulation is a double-edged sword.
In other words
, the diversity of marketing proficiency will
be mitigated
. There is ample evidence to suggest that a considerable number of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
joint venture with foreign one. It is prevalent that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
harness the techniques of the non-local
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. Henceforth, by incrementing the newcomers to establish a workplace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market, it will jeopardize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot interact with foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that have distinct mindset.

To recapitulate, while numerous of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
espouse that non-domestic firms should
be diminished
to nourish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
one.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key factors that cannot
be neglected
if the union inhibit the establishment of oversea corporations such as shortage in the job vacancy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a gift you would like give to someone, include specific reasons or details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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