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describe a famous wonder in the world

describe a famous wonder in the world 0EMwG
In my beloved country of Vietnam is endowed with a myriad of wonderful landscapes by nature, which has attracted millions of tourists every year. Despite that fact, if I had a chance to visit one wonder in Vietnam, my answer will always be Ha Long Bay due to its tons of benefits. First, Ha Long Bay is located in Quang Ninh Province, which was recognized as a World Heritage Site by UNESCO. Apart from that, Ha Long Bay is well-known for its thousands of rocks and caves emerging out of the water, which makes visitors surprised. Not only that, visitors can try many different cruise itineraries in order to visit a plethora of picturesque caves such as Thien Cung cave, etc, and experience the local culture. Moreover, visitors can experience plenty of fresh seafood such as crabs, shrimp or octopus, etc, which were caught in the morning. Equally importantly, Halong Bay is a well-known destination among budget travelers due to its low-cost hotels and cruise tours. Long story short, Ha Long Bay is one of the most appealing wonders that visitors should take into consideration
In my beloved country of Vietnam
is endowed
with a myriad of wonderful landscapes by nature, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
has
attracted millions of tourists every year. Despite that fact, if I had a chance to visit one wonder in Vietnam, my answer will always be Ha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
Bay due to its tons of benefits.
First
, Ha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
Bay
is located
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quang
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ninh
Province, which
was recognized
as a World Heritage Site by UNESCO. Apart from that, Ha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
Bay is well-known for its thousands of rocks and caves emerging out of the water, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
surprised. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cruise itineraries in order to visit a plethora of picturesque caves such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thien
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cung
cave, etc, and experience the local culture.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fresh seafood such as crabs, shrimp or octopus, etc, which
were caught
in the morning.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Equally
importantly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Halong
Bay is a well-known destination among budget travelers due to its low-cost hotels and cruise tours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
story short, Ha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
Bay is one of the most appealing wonders that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
should take into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consideration
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IELTS essay describe a famous wonder in the world

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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