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Describe a famous person you know

Describe a famous person you know 6mB10
The person that makes me impressed is Steve Jobs - the co-founder and former CEO of Apple. He is well-known because of his talent and knowledge of computer programming. He is the one who created the macOS and iOS. I never see him in real life, you know I don't have any chance to do it. But I first saw Steve on TV 8 years ago, and he was introducing the iPhone 4. The reason why he is well-known is that he is a talented guy. He can speak in front of a lot of people, tell them what is good about his product, why they should choose Apple instead of Samsung, and many more. Moreover, he is an opinionated person. Almost no one can change his thought, he wants to do what he wants and ignore what's the world talk about. And one more reason is that because he is a billionaire, I don't have an exact number about how much money is in his bank account, but I am sure that he is very very rich. You know, after seeing him for the first time, I was surprised that there is such a wonderful person on Earth. To me, Steve Jobs is a visionary, creative genius, an amazing human being, and he is the best inspirational CEO I have ever known. He is, by all means, the greatest man the world has ever had.
The person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me impressed is Steve Jobs
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the co-founder and former CEO of Apple. He is well-known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his talent and knowledge of computer programming. He is the one who created the macOS and iOS. I never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
him in real life, you know I don't have any chance to do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
Steve on TV 8 years ago, and he was introducing the iPhone 4. The reason why he is well-known is that he is a talented guy. He can speak in front of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
about his product, why they should choose Apple
instead
of Samsung, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Moreover
, he is an opinionated person. Almost no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, he wants to do what he wants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
what's the world talk about. And one more reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is a billionaire, I don't have an exact number about how much money is in his bank account,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am sure that he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rich. You know, after seeing him for the
first
time, I
was surprised
that there is such a wonderful person on Earth. To me, Steve Jobs is a visionary, creative genius, an amazing human being, and he is the best inspirational CEO I have ever known.

He is, by all means, the greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
the world has ever had.

IELTS essay Describe a famous person you know

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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