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Describe a famous person you are interested in

Describe a famous person you are interested in BM6Kj
Today, I wanna tell you about a celebrity who is Le Cong Vinh. I guess I could start of by introducing some basic information about him. Maybe he’s about 35 years old this year but he looks quite young for his age. Cong Vinh is known as the Golden Ball and Grade A Start of VietNam. I first knew him when I was watching football match on TV. I became his big fan when I was studying at high school. Physically, bringing in the beauty of the northern people, with handsomeness and undercut hairstyle, he really makes himself stand out. Besides, although he was very tired after a soccer match, he was always friendly and happy to meet his fans. Finally, the reason why I’m a big fan of Cong Vinh is because he not only popularity but also kindness. His wife is singer Thuy Tien - a famous singer in Vietnam, CV and his wife always help people in need or areas suffering from natural disasters in Vietnam. Although he’s retired now, but thanks to being his fan, I’ve learned some good things in life from him that if you always try and have a kind heart, you’ll also succeed and will always be loved by everyone. I wish that I could meet this retiring Vietnamese footballer of the Vietnamese national team. Of course, I would hug and take pictures him then post on my facebook wall, but the most important thing would be for me to talk with him and learn from his experience.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about a celebrity who is Le Cong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinh
. I guess I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of by introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic information about him. Maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he’s
about 35 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
this year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he looks quite young for his age. Cong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinh
is known
as the Golden Ball and Grade A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
. I
first
knew him when I was watching football match on TV. I became his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan when I was studying at high school.
Physically
, bringing in the beauty of the northern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, with handsomeness and undercut hairstyle, he
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
himself stand out.
Besides
, although he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired after a soccer match, he was always friendly and happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
his fans.
Finally
, the reason why I’m a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of Cong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinh
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
kindness. His wife is singer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thuy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tien
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in Vietnam, CV and his wife always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in need or areas suffering from natural disasters in Vietnam. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he’s
retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to being his fan, I’ve learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things in life from him that if you always
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
have a kind heart, you’ll
also
succeed and will always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by everyone. I wish that I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this retiring Vietnamese footballer of the Vietnamese national team.
Of course
, I would hug and take pictures him then post on my
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
wall,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing would be for me to talk with him and learn from his experience.
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IELTS essay Describe a famous person you are interested in

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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