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cultural events are important then sport

cultural events are important then sport OEjwp
It is irrefutable that sport is keep you sharp and healty in your any ages overall. In addition, there are many who thougths are make you stronger and successful. However, without any other part of cultural events just only sport does not make you a well-educated person. Such as, playing an instrument, going a theatre at evening or a concert is much more effective to your personal development and also the young people. In today’s World sport has one of the biggest revenue way. Just like football players. Their salarys are huge and has many zeros in their cheques. But I believe that, there are no one think football players are clever or elegants. We just love them because they are good at the sport they do and that’s it. There are no any specific qualifications of their personalities. Of course there might be some exceptions but many of them are not. However, a young person should find a sport branch and do exercise from theirs teenager era but also some cultural interest are much more important such as music. We could considered that both listening the music and the better option is playing it with an instrument. For instance, one of my friend realized that he got noticed his quick development on piano because he did not think how to use both hands in a harmony while reading and following music notes on the sheet. Whereas, he is enthusiats playing piano and he see his development and gain confidence. This is the most precious thing for young people whether they need to choose for their self-development to continue during their lifes. To sum up, sport is necessary indoubtly but there are other importing things than sport such as some cultural activities. A young person would be survive without a body with muscles but can not live without soul.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you sharp and
Possible spelling mistake found.
healty
in your any ages
overall
.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
thougths
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you stronger and successful.
However
, without any other part of cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you a well-educated person. Such as, playing an instrument, going a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
at evening or a concert is much more effective to your personal development and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has one of the biggest revenue way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like football players. Their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "salaries", the plural form of the noun 'salary'?
salarys
are huge and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zeros in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'cheques' is British English.
cheques
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that, there are no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
football players are clever or
Possible spelling mistake found.
elegants
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they do and that’s it. There are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any specific qualifications of their personalities.
Of course
there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are not.
However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person should find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
branch and do exercise from theirs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultural interest are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
such as music. We could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "consider"
considered
that both listening the music and the better option is playing it with an instrument.
For instance
, one of my friend realized that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
noticed his quick development on piano
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
both hands in a harmony while reading and following music notes on the sheet. Whereas, he is
Possible spelling mistake found.
enthusiats
playing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
piano and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "sees", "saw".
see
his development and gain confidence. This is the most precious thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whether they need to choose for their self-development to continue during their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is necessary
Possible spelling mistake found.
indoubtly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other importing things than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultural activities. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person would be
Consider using the past participle "survived"?
survive
without a body with muscles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without soul.
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IELTS essay cultural events are important then sport

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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