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Cultural and leisure activities

Cultural and leisure activities GMPwQ
Depending to the results of a survey of children activities, such as dancing, video games and playing several sports, we got the following information: According to the graphic that represents the activities done by the boys, we can see that the most popular one is computer games, with a 34% of the whole amount of boys, followed by basketball, with a 26%. After those comes soccer with a 17% of the boys and then listening to music and skateboarding are almost at the same percentage. Finally, the activity done by the least amount of boys was reading, with only a 2% of the whole amount of boys. Next we have the group of girls, that was more equivalent than the group of boys, meaning all the activities were done by a big amount of girls, starting with dancing, which got the higher percentage, which was 27%, followed by reading, which, unlike the boys, was done by 21% of the girls. After that comes playing computer games and netball by almost the same percentage. And finally, the activity that got the least amount of percentage was listening to music, but unlike the boys, the percentage was 10%, which isn't as low as reading, as in the case of the boys.
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "Depending on".
Depending
to the results of a survey of children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as dancing, video games and playing several sports, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the following information: According to the graphic that represents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the most popular one is computer games, with a 34% of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, followed by basketball, with a 26%. After those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
soccer with a 17% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and then listening to music and skateboarding are almost at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
done by the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
was reading, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a 2% of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of boys.

Next
we have the group of girls, that was more equivalent than the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, meaning all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were done
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of girls, starting with dancing, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, which was 27%, followed by reading, which, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
,
was done
by 21% of the girls. After that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
playing computer games and netball by almost the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. And
finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was listening to music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was 10%, which isn't as low as reading, as in the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
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IELTS essay Cultural and leisure activities

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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