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criminals punishment, and intentions

criminals punishment, and intentions 3bDpm
Crimes are hugely increasing in countries these days. There is a wide range of crimes from stealing to killing, each has its own punishment. Many people believe that, there must be a unique punishment for each type of crime, however in the eyes of others, the circumstances, and motivation behind committing a crime should be taken into consideration before punishing. Many say that all criminals are equal, and deserve to be equally punished. A person who turns into a criminal, and kills other person, despite the reason of killing, must be punished on what he did, by admitting him to prison for life, or being killed by a gallows, in the light of the fact that another victim will be under his mercy in case he went out free. There are no guarantees that a rapist won't another girl in case he is out of jail, thus more people are being put in danger for the fact of believing a criminal that he wouldn't sins anymore. Moreover, stealing to afford basic needs for a family, won't make stealing a good thing or a pros. A lot of people believe that certain circumstances must be taken into consideration, and that not all criminals has the intention of hurting others. A criminal who kills in cold blood, isn't in the same position as that killing due to being terrified, despite the fact that in both cases it is called murder, but circumstances are different, and punishments must not be equivalent. Moreover, a thief stealing to afford daily needs, isn't identical to that stealing for the sake of fun, or just hurting people. Many people suggest that, punishments must be identical to all types of criminals, however others believe that life may put anyone in a case where he is obliged to make a sins, thus punishments must be classified depending on the criminal's intention. For the aforementioned reasons, and in my point of view, regardless of the circumstances all criminals must be punished.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are
hugely
increasing in countries these days. There is a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
from stealing to killing, each has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for each type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
however
in the eyes of others, the circumstances, and motivation behind committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be taken
into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
punishing.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
say that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are equal, and deserve to be
equally
punished. A person who turns into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
, and kills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person, despite the reason of killing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
on what he did, by admitting him to prison for life, or
being killed
by a gallows, in the light of the fact that another victim will be under his mercy in case he went out free. There are no guarantees that a rapist won't another girl in case he is out of jail,
thus
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being put
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for the fact of believing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
that he wouldn't
The verb 'wouldn't' requires base form of this verb: "sin"
sins
anymore.
Moreover
, stealing to afford basic needs for a family, won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stealing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing or
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a pro" or simply "pros"?
a pros
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that certain circumstances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into consideration, and that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
has the intention of hurting others. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
who kills in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
blood, isn't in the same position as that killing due to
being terrified
, despite the fact that in both cases it
is called
murder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
circumstances are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be equivalent.
Moreover
, a thief stealing to afford daily needs, isn't identical to that stealing for the sake of fun, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hurting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be identical to all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
,
however
others believe that life may put anyone in a case where he
is obliged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a sin" or simply "sins"?
a sins
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be classified
depending on the criminal's intention. For the aforementioned reasons, and in my point of view, regardless of the circumstances all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
.
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IELTS essay criminals punishment, and intentions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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