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criminal insane and slayer

criminal insane and slayer YL7r5
It is considered by most of people that the crime rate is declining compared to the past because of technological developments currently. In my opinion, some physical crimes as extortion, homicide, robbery etc. are decreasing while the cyber crime is increasing. Advancement of technology is effective to less many crime nowadays. At the same time some new technologies initiate new crime areas by internet. Technological developments contribute to our life quality, not only security sector but also in sectors of health, education, transportation etc. In particular, some high technology cameras provide many advantages for our security. Nowadays, this kind of devices are using for almost all public events, of course security forces are using them effectively to inhibit some unwelcome incidents. For instance, in English Premier Football League many dangerous hooligans were banned from games because of their disrespectful manner by footage. Thus, stadiums and supporters are more clean and safety now. On the other hand, people more use internet on daily life than past. Most of people manage their bank accounts by apps. Thanks to this apps they save time and energy. However, this kind of solutions accompany with some risk. We often receive bad news about breaking bank account. This type of robbery seems more safety for burglars in these days. Technology helps people to run the business. But moreover, it helps to burglars too. To conclude, technological advancements supply many advantages for all sector and these are touching our lives directly. We should utilize it but also have to be careful.
It
is considered
by most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is declining compared to the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological developments
currently
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as extortion, homicide, robbery etc. are decreasing while the cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing. Advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is effective to less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
nowadays. At the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
initiate new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
areas by internet.

Technological developments contribute to our life quality, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
security sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in sectors of health, education, transportation etc.
In particular
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
cameras provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for our security. Nowadays, this kind of devices are using for almost all public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
of course
security forces are using them
effectively
to inhibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwelcome incidents.
For instance
, in English Premier Football League
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
hooligans
were banned
from games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their disrespectful manner by footage.
Thus
, stadiums and supporters are more clean and safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet on daily life than past. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manage their bank accounts by apps. Thanks to
Did you mean "these"?
this
apps they save time and energy.
However
, this kind of solutions
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news about breaking bank account. This type of robbery seems more safety for burglars in these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to run the business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to burglars too.

To conclude
, technological advancements supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for all sector and these are touching our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
directly
. We should utilize it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be careful.
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IELTS essay criminal insane and slayer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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