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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. 56AxV
Long working hours countries are financial stronger than with less working hours. I personally not agree with this. More working hours meaning people spending more time in office or workplace. That does not mean they are helping companies directly with financial goal achievement. On the other side if people spend more hours in office means they are getting tired and significantly at high risk of getting disease. It cause wastage of time and money to improve health. Staying longer at office drastically reduce family time and home related tasks. Unofficial tasks are getting less time, again reduce less cash flow in market. Ultimtally this not helping in any financial growth of country. Furthermore busy in work mean less vacation, due to that particular industry like tourism is impacted. Overall this can be analyzed that lengthy working hours reduce spending and saving both. Financially these people are less contributor to countries. On the other hand people with shorter working hours are more health and productive. They can achieve tasks in significantly less time in comparision to other person with more working hours. Health people visit more place and spend more in market. Conclusion is, lengthy working hours does not impact financial situation of a country. Longer working hours cause, unhealthy generation and that impact growth of a country. This resulted in more spending on medical related infrastructure. Health is wealth, so less working hours more healthy people, more contribution in economy of country. Ultimately balanced life can elevate countries financial condition and improve. Automation is other aspect that does not required longer working hours.
Long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
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countries
are
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financial
stronger than with
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less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. I
personally
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
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hours
meaning
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people
spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in office or workplace. That does not mean they are helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
directly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
goal achievement. On the
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other
side if
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people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in office means they are getting tired and
significantly
at high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting disease. It
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Staying longer at office
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and home related tasks. Unofficial tasks are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, again
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
cash flow in market.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ultimtally
this not helping in any
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financial
growth of country.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
busy in work mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
vacation, due to that particular industry like tourism
is impacted
.
Overall
this can
be analyzed
that lengthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
spending and saving both.
Financially
these
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people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
contributor to countries.

On the
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other
hand
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people
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and productive. They can achieve tasks in
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
to
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other
person with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit more place and spend more in market.

Conclusion is, lengthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
does not impact
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financial
situation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
cause, unhealthy generation and that impact growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This resulted in more spending on medical related infrastructure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
more healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, more contribution in economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Ultimately
balanced life can elevate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
condition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Automation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspect that does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "require"
required
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
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IELTS essay Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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