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Controversies surrounding the design of the curriculum never seem to cease

Controversies surrounding the design of the curriculum never seem to cease j5B1M
Controversies surrounding the design of the curriculum never seem to cease. Although it appears convincing to many people that teenagers ought to improve cooking skills and food sciences, I lean towards the idea that essential subjects must deserve a place in their curriculum. On the one hand, It is understandable why crucial subjects are indispensable in a student’s courses. The reason is each subject which they learn at school also gives many advantages to their life. The first example is literature, children can develop their linguistic skills because of the wide vocabulary they learn from many different texts. Therefore, it will be easier for them to express their ideas in a more concise and coherent way. The second one is physical education. Although students only learn this subject once or twice a week, it provides a better awareness of a healthy lifestyle and the scientific training methods. Obviously, it is an effective way to stay in shape. On the other hand, there are several reasons why cooking skills and food sciences are in demand at schools. The primary reason is it may give school-age students knowledge about how to have proper diets because the balance of nutrients in the body is necessary to maintain good health and avoid many diseases like obesity. Therefore, a good understanding of the combination of ingredients can help students maintain a healthy diet. The second reason is it is essential to nurturing student’s independence. According to a survey in Vietnam in 2018, 60 percent of adolescents did not know how to cook or make their own food. As a result, cooking lessons at school may not only equip them with basic survival skills but also enhance their adaptability. In conclusion, my opinion is despite necessitates time for a critical course, students should spend more time enhancing the science of food and how to prepare it.
Controversies surrounding the design of the curriculum never seem to cease. Although it appears convincing to
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
cooking
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skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sciences, I lean towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that essential
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subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
deserve a place in their curriculum.

On the one hand, It is understandable why crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are indispensable in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
courses. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which they learn at school
also
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to their life. The
first
example is literature, children can develop their linguistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wide vocabulary they learn from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
texts.
Therefore
, it will be easier for them to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in a more concise and coherent way. The second one is physical education. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
once or twice a week, it provides a better awareness of a healthy lifestyle and the scientific training methods.
Obviously
, it is an effective way to stay in shape.

On the other hand
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sciences are in demand at schools. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is it may give school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
knowledge about how to have proper diets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the balance of nutrients in the body is necessary to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like obesity.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of the combination of ingredients can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
maintain a healthy diet. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is it is essential to
Did you mean "nurture"?
nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
independence. According to a survey in Vietnam in 2018, 60 percent of adolescents did not know how to cook or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, cooking lessons at school may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
equip them with basic survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhance their adaptability.

In conclusion
, my opinion is despite necessitates time for a critical course,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend more time enhancing the science of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and how to prepare it.
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IELTS essay Controversies surrounding the design of the curriculum never seem to cease

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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