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Consumption of processed and convenience foods and our dependence on the car have led to an increase in obesity and reduction in the fitness level of the adult population v.1

Consumption of processed and convenience foods and our dependence on the car have led to an increase in obesity and reduction in the fitness level of the adult population v. 1
In some countries, especially industrialized ones, the number of obese people can amount to one third of the population. This is significant as obesity and poor fitness lead to a decrease in life expectancy, and it is therefore important for individuals and governments to work together to tackle this issue and improve their citizens' diet and fitness. Obesity and poor fitness decrease life expectancy. Overweight people are more likely to have serious illnesses such as diabetes and heart disease, which can result in premature death. It is well known that regular exercise can reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, which means that those with poor fitness levels are at an increased risk of suffering from those problems. Changes by individuals to their diet and their physical activity can increase life expectancy. There is a reliance today on the consumption of processed foods, which have a high fat and sugar content. By preparing their own foods, and consuming more fruit and vegetables, people could ensure that their diets are healthier and more balanced, which could lead to a reduction in obesity levels. In order to improve fitness levels, people could choose to walk or cycle to work or to the shops rather than taking the car. They could also choose to walk up stairs instead of taking the lift. These simple changes could lead to a significant improvement in fitness levels. Governments could also implement initiatives to improve their citizens' eating and exercise habits. This could be done through education, for example by adding classes to the curriculum about healthy diet and lifestyles. Governments could also do more to encourage their citizens to walk or cycle instead of taking the car, for instance by building more cycle lanes or increasing vehicle taxes. While some might argue that increased taxes are a negative way to solve the problem, it is no different from the high taxes imposed on cigarettes to reduce cigarette consumption. In short, obesity and poor fitness are a significant problem in modern life, leading to lower life expectancy. Individuals and governments can work together to tackle this problem and so improve diet and fitness. Of the solutions suggested, those made by individuals themselves are likely to have more impact, though it is clear that a concerted effort with the government is essential for success. With obesity levels in industrialized and industrializing countries continuing to rise, it is essential that we take action now to deal with this problem.
In
some
countries,
especially
industrialized ones, the number of obese
people
can amount to one third of the population. This is significant as obesity and
poor
fitness
lead to a decrease in
life
expectancy, and it is
therefore
important
for
individuals
and
governments
to work together to tackle this issue and
improve
their citizens' diet and fitness.

Obesity and
poor
fitness
decrease
life
expectancy. Overweight
people
are more likely to have serious illnesses such as diabetes and heart disease, which can result in premature death. It is well known that regular exercise can
reduce
the
risk
of heart disease and stroke, which means that those with
poor
fitness
levels
are at an increased
risk
of suffering from those problems.

Changes
by
individuals
to their diet and their physical activity can increase
life
expectancy. There is a reliance
today
on the consumption of processed foods, which have a high
fat
and sugar content. By preparing their
own
foods, and consuming more fruit and vegetables,
people
could ensure that their diets are healthier and more balanced, which could lead to a reduction in obesity
levels
. In order to
improve
fitness
levels
,
people
could choose to walk or cycle to work or to the shops
rather
than taking the car. They could
also
choose to walk up stairs
instead
of taking the lift. These simple
changes
could lead to a significant improvement in
fitness
levels.

Governments
could
also
implement initiatives to
improve
their citizens' eating and exercise habits. This could
be done
through education,
for example
by adding classes to the curriculum about healthy diet and lifestyles.
Governments
could
also
do more to encourage their citizens to walk or cycle
instead
of taking the car,
for instance
by building more cycle lanes or increasing vehicle taxes. While
some
might argue that increased taxes are a
negative
way to solve the
problem
, it is no
different
from the high taxes imposed on cigarettes to
reduce
cigarette consumption.

In short, obesity and
poor
fitness
are a significant
problem
in modern
life
, leading to lower
life
expectancy.
Individuals
and
governments
can work together to tackle this
problem
and
so
improve
diet and
fitness
. Of the solutions suggested, those made by
individuals
themselves are likely to have more impact, though it is
clear
that a concerted effort with the
government
is essential for success. With obesity
levels
in industrialized and industrializing countries continuing to rise, it is essential that we take action
now
to deal with this
problem
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Consumption of processed and convenience foods and our dependence on the car have led to an increase in obesity and reduction in the fitness level of the adult population v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
411 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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