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Concerning the amount of Fast food consumed in Melbourne

Concerning the amount of Fast food consumed in Melbourne 9lGy0
Nowadays everyone prefers to eat something which is good in taste and will satisfy one's hunger in doing that most of the city crowd ends up eating Fast food which is definitely tasty to our tongue but these kind of food is not liked by our body. Mainly the capital cities has shown a great rise in consumption of Fast food. The excessive consumption of Fast food in Melbourne city has really became a matter of concern and according to the statistics the crowd of the city will be more indulged in fast foods perhaps in this coming five years Melbourne will see ten percent rise in the sell of Hamburgers and fried chickens. The fast growing percentage will also lead to obesity to mostly the children of growing age and the senior citizens. Although we consider salads to be healthy but not those which we get in the shops even the contain carbs and most of the times the vegetables are not fresh so its my earnest request to the clan of people out there that it may take fifteen minutes more but we should make our own salad to ensure whatever we are eating is fresh and good for health. Although the fast food appears more palatable to us but we should not forget that our health is our top most priority. According to the analysis of the scientists children should avoid fast food as much as possible though youngsters are the ones who are more fond of junk foods like chips, chocolates, ice-creams, brownies, fries and what not but regular intake of these junk foods will make your wards less active and will also cause health problems and excessive intake of these fast food for a long time period may also lead to obesity. I think it is very important to realize that excessive intake of Fast food is not good for our health and it hampers the circadian rhythm of the body. Yeah! the circadian rhythm also gets hamper due to the ample eating of fast food it must be strange but have you ever noticed it that when we over eat we usually feel sleepy and sometimes we require a small nap, and that's how circadian the circadian rhythm also gets affected. So we should minimize the intake of junk food in order to lead a healthy life.
Nowadays everyone prefers to eat something which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in taste and will satisfy one's hunger in doing that most of the city crowd ends up eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is definitely tasty to our tongue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not liked by our body.
Mainly
the capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has shown a great rise in consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in Melbourne city has
really
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "become".
became
a matter of concern and according to the statistics the crowd of the city will be more indulged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
perhaps in this coming five years Melbourne will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
ten percent rise in the sell of Hamburgers and fried chickens. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
growing percentage will
also
lead to obesity to
mostly
the children of growing age and the senior citizens. Although we consider salads to be healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not those which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the shops even
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'contain' is correct. If 'contain' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the contain
carbs and
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
the vegetables are not fresh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
my earnest request to the clan of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
out there that it may take fifteen minutes more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
salad to ensure whatever we are eating is fresh and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
appears more palatable to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not forget that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is our top most priority. According to the analysis of the scientists children should avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as much as possible though youngsters are the ones who are more fond of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like chips, chocolates, ice-creams, brownies, fries and what not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of these junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your wards less active and will
also
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems and excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a long time period may
also
lead to obesity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to realize that excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and it hampers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circadian
rhythm of the body. Yeah!
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circadian
rhythm
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hamper due to the ample eating of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be strange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have you ever noticed it that when we over eat we
usually
feel sleepy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we require a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
nap, and that's how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circadian
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circadian
rhythm
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to lead a healthy life.
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IELTS essay Concerning the amount of Fast food consumed in Melbourne

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
393 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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