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Nowadays young people prefer to move in big cities, older people however, are the opposite And prefer to stay in the country side. What are the positives and negatives of this trend. v.3

Nowadays young people prefer to move in big cities, older people however, are the opposite And prefer to stay in the country side. What are the positives and negatives of this trend. v. 3
In the contemporary era, individuals of younger generation, opt to live in urban areas due to the facilities available there. Whereas, the elderly prefer to live in rural places to follow their tradition. This essay tends to analyse the pros and cons of this demographic shift. To begin with the bright side, young adults could possibly get better opportunities in the cities. If they are looking for a growth or a better pay scale in their respective job profiles, he or she would certainly achieve these goals once they migrate to urbanised locality. Moreover, if they further want to enhance their qualifications, they can explore all the higher education institutions available there. To cite an example, a recent survey carried out by eminent historian Andrew James at Columbia University revealed that eighty percent of the Individuals who migrated to the cities, contributed sixty percent in the annual municipal corporation budget only because they took university education available in the city and eventually got a high salary job. Besides this, Individuals of older generation enjoy their cultural tradition in the villages. By staying at their native place, they not only practice their traditional heritage on regular basis but also pass on these traditions to next generation. Since, they are living close to the nature, they remain healthy in fresh environment. On the contrary, there are some inevitable drawbacks associated. Youth might face difficulty in purchasing property in an urban locality as the real estate rates are exorbitant. Since the prices are so high, If they want to purchase a house, only feasible option would be to apply for a home loan. Moreover, As they are away from their families and loved ones, this can lead to isolation and indeed has been one of the main reasons of depression. Furthermore, If the elderly are living in villages, they are probably away from any medical facilities such as hospitals, dispensaries due to which there is mushrooming growth in medical emergency deaths. In addition to this, they spend most of their lives away from all the latest technologies such as wifi and mobile network which makes their lives bit a more challenging. All the above discussed assertions, let to the conclusion that, young people moving to cities and elderly staying behind in villages would have both positive and negative effects. Steps should be taken by individuals of both the generations to minimise the drawbacks of the above said phenomenon.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
of younger generation, opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in urban areas due to the facilities available there.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the elderly prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rural places to follow their tradition. This essay tends to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the pros and cons of this demographic shift.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the bright side, young adults could
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. If they are looking for a growth or a better pay scale in their respective job profiles, he or she would
certainly
achieve these goals once they migrate to
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanised' is British English.
urbanised
locality.
Moreover
, if they
further
want to enhance their qualifications, they can explore all the higher education institutions available there. To cite an example, a recent survey carried out by eminent historian Andrew James at Columbia University revealed that eighty percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
who migrated to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, contributed sixty percent in the annual municipal corporation budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they took university education available in the city and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a high salary job.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
of older generation enjoy their cultural tradition in the villages. By staying at their native place, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practice their traditional heritage on regular basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pass on these traditions to
next
generation. Since, they are living close to the nature, they remain healthy in fresh environment.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inevitable drawbacks associated. Youth might face difficulty in purchasing property in an urban locality as the real estate rates are exorbitant. Since the prices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high, If they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
feasible option would be to apply for a home loan.
Moreover
, As they are away from their families and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, this can lead to isolation and
indeed
has been one of the main reasons of depression.
Furthermore
, If the elderly are living in villages, they are
probably
away from any medical facilities such as hospitals, dispensaries due to which there is mushrooming growth in medical emergency deaths.
In addition
to this, they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
away from all the latest technologies such as
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
and mobile network which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
bit a more challenging.

All the above discussed assertions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
to the conclusion that, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and elderly staying behind in villages would have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Steps should
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
of both the generations to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the drawbacks of the above said phenomenon.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays young people prefer to move in big cities, older people however, are the opposite And prefer to stay in the country side. What are the positives and negatives of this trend. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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