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Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little education value and it will be harmful for children.

It is often argued that all countries love the play computer games and they are really famous to all people. However, parents believe that they have almost no good lessons to learn and also they are very dangerous for children. In my opinion, I completely agree with this opinion. First of all, most of the computer games have a lot of violent parts. They teach children how to kill people, stole cars and use guns. When children who play the games find guns, they attack other people like a game. For example, If you look at the USA school, every year, many school are got attacked by students, and they kill a lot of students. If people play that kind of games, they will lose their pyscology. Another point to consider that many people spent to much time in front of computer by alone. In other word, they do not spent time with their friends and family members. If ı say social life will be destroyed by the games, I will be not wrong. For instance, the latest research show that people who play the games can not find friends easly. One day, the games will be borring, however at that time, they will not find their family members and friends around them. In conclusion, I believe that computer games have many disadvantages, they should avoid to play games because they can lost their social life and also their pyscology. Also, they do not have good lessons to learn them and parents should be careful about them.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that all countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, parents believe that they have almost no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lessons to learn and
also
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for children. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, most of the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violent parts. They teach children how to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, stole cars and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
guns. When children who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
find guns, they attack other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like a game.
For example
, If you look at the USA school, every year,
Possible agreement error. The noun school seems to be countable; consider using: “many schools”.
many school
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
attacked by students, and they kill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they will lose their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pyscology
.

Another point to consider that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent
Did you mean “too”?
to
much time in front of computer by alone. In other word, they do not spent time with their friends and family members. If ı say social life will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, I will be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For instance
, the latest research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can not find friends
Possible spelling mistake found.
easly
. One day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
borring
,
however
at that time, they will not find their family members and friends around them.

In conclusion
, I believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages, they should avoid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
lost
their social life and
also
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pyscology
.
Also
, they do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lessons to learn them and parents should be careful about them.
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IELTS essay Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little education value and it will be harmful for children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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