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Competitiveness is considered to be an important quality for people in many societies. How do you think it affects individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? ( 重复2011/3/12老题）

Competitiveness is considered to be an important quality for people in many societies. How do you think it affects individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? ( 重复2011/3/12老题） g5bKA
Being competitive is an arguably desirable quality. It could go either way on both the individual level and the level of society. The society of meeting has negative on civilization. On the one hand, championship improves people's performance and productivity. With the game, people will work harder and study faster, higher and stronger. If there is no competition, people will muddle along and make slow progress. On the other hand, competition sometimes brings extra pressure. These pressures come from people's colleagues and superiors. If they can't win the competition, they will be eliminated. For example, the company places too much emphasis on competition, resulting in every employee working overtime every day. In this way, both the employee and the boss will be in a state of high pressure, which may lead to some psychological problems. Generally speaking, this is a positive trend. First of all, society will benefit from the promotion of competition. Individuals in the whole society will become competitive, efficient, and ambitious, and their productivity will increase. In addition, this phenomenon is also in line with the principle of "natural selection" in evolutionary biology. No matter in the human society or the animal and plant world, organisms must strive for survival. Although human beings are now quite free from being hunted by other animals or dying of famine, the principle of "natural selection" should still be retained, always reminding us to become stronger, so this is a positive phenomenon. In my opinion, competition is needed for human progress, without which we would probably still be living in the primitive world, as every important invention and discovery may have resulted from the competition of one kind or another. On the other hand, people ought to be made to understand that besides competition, cooperation is also needed to keep the world going.
Being competitive is an
arguably
desirable quality. It could go either way on both the individual level and the level of society.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of meeting has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
on civilization. On the one hand, championship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's performance and productivity. With the game,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will work harder and study faster, higher and stronger. If there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will muddle along and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
slow progress.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
brings extra pressure. These pressures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's colleagues and superiors. If they can't win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, they will
be eliminated
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
places too much emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, resulting in every employee working overtime every day. In this way, both the employee and the boss will be in a state of high pressure, which may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological problems.

Generally
speaking, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will benefit from the promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. Individuals in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will become competitive, efficient, and ambitious, and their productivity will increase.
In addition
, this phenomenon is
also
in line with the principle of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
natural selection
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in evolutionary biology. No matter in the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or the animal and plant world, organisms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive for survival. Although human beings are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
quite free from
being hunted
by other animals or dying of famine, the principle of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
natural selection
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
should
still
be retained
, always reminding us to become stronger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is needed
for human progress, without which we would
probably
still
be living in the primitive world, as every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention and discovery may have resulted from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
of one kind or another.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ought to
be made
to understand that
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, cooperation is
also
needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the world going.
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IELTS essay Competitiveness is considered to be an important quality for people in many societies. How do you think it affects individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? ( 重复2011/3/12老题）

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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