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Comparison of a village between 1930 and 2010

Comparison of a village between 1930 and 2010 G3jbo
The pictures show a stokeford village between 1930 and 2010 and changes that happened during these 80 years including demolishing some green palaces and constructing new buildings. In 1930 farmlands were observable in the stokeford but until 2010 they were destructed and new houses were constructed instead. In 2010 primary school in the village was extended and two new part were added to it. In the past there was not any retirement home for elderlies but a large house in the stokeford became a retirement home between 1930 and 2010. Two old shops were demolished after 1930 and it seems that there was not any shopping center in 2010! . In 2010 there was not any greenery and garden in stokeford and all of them superseded with new buildings unfortunately. So it is obvious that the stokeford was a green and nice village in the past but nowadays it is just a small city!
The pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
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stokeford
village between 1930 and 2010 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that happened during these 80 years including demolishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
green palaces and constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
buildings.

In 1930 farmlands were observable in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
stokeford
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
until 2010 they
were destructed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were constructed
instead
. In 2010 primary school in the village
was extended
and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
part were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the past there was not any retirement home for
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
stokeford
became a retirement home between 1930 and 2010. Two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
shops
were demolished
after 1930 and it seems that there was not any shopping center in 2010!
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In 2010 there was not any greenery and garden in
Possible spelling mistake found.
stokeford
and all of them superseded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
buildings unfortunately.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is obvious that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
stokeford
was a green and nice village in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city!

IELTS essay Comparison of a village between 1930 and 2010

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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