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Comparison between export earnings of different years

Comparison between export earnings of different years PVrj2
The given information shows the value of a country's exports in various product categories during year 2015 and 2016. First of all talking about Petroleum products, there was export of around 60 $ billions in year 2015 which increased by 3 percent in year 2016. Other categories like Engineered goods, agriculture products followed same path and showed increase in export earnings as compared to previous year. Engineered goods value was around 55 $ billions in 2015, in year 2016 it increased to around 61$ billions, which is about 8. 5 percent increase. Textiles export increment was fabulous, it increased from 25 $ billions to 31 $ billions ( which is about 15. 24%). Agriculture products also showed increase of around 0. 81%. Unfortunately Gems and jewellery's export decreased from 43 billion $ to to 40. 5 billion dollars which is more than 5 percent decrament. Overall comparison shows that country gained more than 20 percent in exports. Although there was decrease in gems and jewellery category, still other categories like Engineered goods, agriculture products, petroleum products and textilles showed improvement.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the value of a country's
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exports
in various
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product
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categories
during
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year
2015 and 2016.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
talking about Petroleum
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products
, there was
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export
of
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around
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$60".
60 $
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billions
in
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year
2015 which increased by 3
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percent
in
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year
2016. Other
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categories
like Engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, agriculture
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products
followed same path and
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showed
increase in
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export
earnings as compared to previous
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year
. Engineered
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goods
value was
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around
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$55".
55 $
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billions
in 2015, in
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year
2016 it increased to
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around
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$61".
61$
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billions
, which is about 8. 5
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percent
increase. Textiles
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export
increment was fabulous, it increased from
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$25".
25 $
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billions
to
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$31".
31 $
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billions
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
which is about 15. 24%). Agriculture
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products
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
increase of
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around
0. 81%. Unfortunately Gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
's
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export
decreased from 43
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billion
$
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
40. 5
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billion
dollars which is more than 5
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percent
Possible spelling mistake found.
decrament
.
Overall
comparison
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shows
that country gained more than 20
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percent
in
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exports
. Although there was decrease in gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
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category
,
still
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
like Engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
textilles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
improvement.

IELTS essay Comparison between export earnings of different years

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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